To The Guy I Walked Away From #BehindTheBlogger

In my last #BehindTheBlogger post, I wrote about “the best of times,” but I left out one last reason: I was in love.

I had to battle it out in my head about actually sharing this, but…there is honestly nothing else that fits the theme better:

This is a letter to the guy I walked away from.

I remember the day I first met you.

We were smitten from the start, and officially together a week later. If my first “relationship” showed me everything I didn’t want in a relationship, you showed me everything it was that I did want, and more.

They say the honeymoon phase usually only lasts 3 months, but with you, it never ended. In place of lies, I had honesty. You encouraged and supported me in everything that I did, but you were also my voice of reason.

You noticed the little things that made me happy, and tried to fill my life with them. You cooked me delicious food, started me on my fitness journey by teaching me how to lift, stocked your kitchen with my favorite things, and unbeknownst to me, came up with elaborate schemes with my friends so that I could spend more time with them.

Life was good to me, but you just made it better.

We knew we didn’t need each other, but I think we enhanced each other’s lives. I could be rearranging furniture or folding laundry with you and still be thinking there was no place I’d rather be.

You were the only person I’d ever known that I could imagine a future with. You caught me off guard–I hadn’t even known that it was possible to get along with someone so well, but there we’d be–reading each other’s minds and finishing each other’s sentences. I lost track of how many times I’d think of something and look up across the room to see you meeting my gaze, because the same thought had just popped into your head.

You made me feel like the luckiest girl on the planet, and I remember thinking, “Whatever it was that I did to deserve you, I’m forever grateful.” With you, I felt a connection I’ve never been able to find with anyone else. You told me that you didn’t necessarily believe in the concept of soulmates, but if such a thing existed, you thought I was the one.

How did something so perfect fall to pieces so quickly?

We had nothing to fight over, but it was the first serious relationship I’d ever been in. I’d spent the last “relationship” walking on eggshells, scared to speak, worried that anything I shared about how I felt would somehow be twisted around and used against me.

You told me you needed time to figure yourself out. I didn’t understand, but I decided to give you space, because at the time, I honestly didn’t believe our story would ever have an ending, and even if it did, I believed we’d find a way back to each other.

So I walked away.

And just like that, after a month of silence, you were with someone else. I’d known for a while that she was interested in you, but I’d never had a reason to doubt you before, ever. I was completely blindsided. Was this what you’d meant? Had everything been a lie? How had I not seen it coming?

When I confronted you, you said you didn’t see it going anywhere, that you’d told her you weren’t over me…and that she’d said that that was fine with her. Then why was she with you?

You asked to see me before you moved away. I couldn’t bring myself to say no. We talked for hours, and I was struck by how nothing between us had changed in the slightest. But I didn’t want to be “the other woman.” I deserved more than that.

After you left, you’d call and we’d talk almost every night. She knew about this, but how could someone be okay with that? Why were you with her, and why were you doing this to me? Why was I letting you?

I started setting deadlines for myself–“if by this time, nothing’s changed, cut off all contact with him”…but I kept extending them, making excuses for you, for me.

You never meant to hurt me, but I no longer believe.

It will all make sense someday.

Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.

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