Apr 29

How your past shapes your future

This post was inspired by Under Magnolia: A Southern Memoir, by Frances Mayes–a novel that explores the power of landscape, the idea of home, and the lasting force of a chaotic and loving family. 

fromleft2writeundermagnolia

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My childhood was worlds apart from Mayes’–she describes a dark, raw and painful upbringing that I am very thankful that I cannot personally relate to.

I can, however, relate to the idea that the environment you grow up in makes a significant impact on shaping you into the person that you become.

Although my parents and I didn’t always see eye to eye, I’ve never questioned whether or not they loved me. They didn’t have very many hard-and-fast rules. Aside from the “golden rule” of treating others the way you’d want to be treated, there was this:

workhumblebest

Those were the encompassing life lessons that they wanted us to learn and abide by.

What are #lifelessons that you learned while growing up? #childhood #reflections #fromleft2write

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Mayes was also a billion times more rebellious than I was. As far as Asian parents go, mine were more lenient than most–I’ve never had a curfew, although I suspect it’s because I never chose to do anything alarming with that freedom.

Instead of going through a “teenage rebellion stage,” I went the way of the overachiever.

What I lacked in intelligence and test-taking ability, I made up for with persistence and a strong work ethic. The only times I’ve ever lied to them were all during college, and were because I got…

  1. A job
  2. An internship as a medical interpreter at a free clinic
  3. Another internship volunteering at a children’s hospital
  4. Another internship volunteering as an ER receptionist

(In case you were wondering, I lied because they wanted me to focus solely on school and spend all my free time studying. I eventually ended up telling them about all of the above because I felt guilty.)

It’s interesting to look back in my old journals (and my blog) to see how the decisions I’ve made in the past have affected my life and where I am today.

In writing a life, you search for the white pebbles you didn’t know you dropped to define your way.”

That was one of my favorite quotes in the book–to me, those pebbles are the moments in your past that played a part in helping you to find yourself and your purpose in life–seemingly insignificant moments that you might even have forgotten about. Those life experiences serve as lessons and reminders of how far you’ve come.

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26 comments

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  1. That is a great golden rule from your parents. The best tools in your life skills tool box are persistence and a strong work ethic. I like to think that its also learned from example, you parents have raised you well!
    Autumn recently posted…Just 3 CookiesMy Profile

    1. Aww, thanks so much, Autumn! :] I like to hope that I make em’ proud! :] I definitely think persistence and a strong work ethic helped a lot in getting me to where I am today! (I still have a while to go, but at least I’m in the right direction! :P )

  2. My parents are Asian and my “rebellious” stage was probably quite tame compared to my friends. It’s funny the path we end up taking–everything we experience converge onto the right roadmap for us.
    Thien-Kim recently posted…10 Books From Your Teens You Should Read AgainMy Profile

    1. Agreed! It’s kinda fun to look back and see how all our choices helped to shape our lives into what they are today!

  3. So much of life is about reactions–to both past and present (and sometimes even pre-reacting to future) events. I know that so much of me is a product of my past, and some of that I am pleased to represent, while in other ways, I am trying to grow to be a better representation of that than I am perceiving others to be.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Windy City Bloggers, Soulcycle, and Random RandomsMy Profile

    1. Same here! There are a lot of things I’ve done that I’m proud of, but there are definitely some things I’m working to rectify because I don’t want it to be something that defines me! Gotta keep on working on that self-improvement! :]

  4. When I had my boys, I was certain I wasn’t going to make the “mistakes” my mom and dad made. Now I know that as parents, almost everyone just does the best they can. I definitely have changed some things, but now I see myself channeling my mom! Yikes!
    Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home recently posted…CourageMy Profile

    1. hahaha, much as I hate to admit it to them, they really do know what’s best for me sometimes! :P

  5. So funny that you wrote about this as the past has been on my mind a lot lately. I went through some life defining events as an adolescent and I often wonder how they have really impacted my life or how it would be different today if they had not happened. I am a ponderer that way…and I also over analyze everything :P
    Annmarie recently posted…Fit, Fashionable + Fabulously Organized!My Profile

    1. It’s definitely been on my mind a lot lately as I’ve been trying to plan my future. I have a tendency to over-analyze everything too! You’re definitely not alone! :P

  6. My past has definitely shaped who I’ve become because it was such a bad time in my life. I’ve learned to hold out hope and strive to make things better which I sort of feel like I’m doing in my life right now. Great post Farrah! :)
    Channing recently posted…The Reality Of Work From Home OpportunitiesMy Profile

    1. I’m sorry that your past was a bad time in your life! I’m glad that you didn’t lose hope though, and yay for things being better now! <3 I hope they continue to skyrocket in the awesome direction! :]

  7. I think we can carry our past with us, learn from it, reflect on it, and at the same time move forward. Great post!
    Alyssa @ Renaissancerunnergirl recently posted…Time FliesMy Profile

    1. Agreed! :D I used to have a problem with being stuck in the past, but thankfully, I’ve learned to move past it! :] (I just need to work more on being more present now! :O )

  8. My past, the way I grew up, has affected who I am today. It effects what I teach to my nieces and nephews that I have the opportunity to watch. I wasn’t a rebellious kid, more so an overachiever and often had a lot of freedom from my parents. My parents had a similar rules, my Dad’s key phrase was love God, Live right, and Finish Strong. That’s what I grew up hearing and seeing displayed in my parent’s lives. :)
    Felecia Efriann recently posted…Book Review // Hot Body Year RoundMy Profile

    1. Those are great words to live by, and having great examples to go by really does make a great difference! I definitely went the way of the overachiever too! :P

  9. Haha Farrah it doesn’t suprise me at all that you didn’ have a curfew! My lessons included if you want something done, do it yourself and hard work doesn’t always equal success.
    Sam @ PancakeWarriors recently posted…Quinoa Black Bean BurgersMy Profile

    1. Agreed! The latter one can be disheartening, but it’s definitely an important one to learn!

  10. One of the loveliest parts of growing older is having the ability to look back on the choices we made in life, and see how we are on the exact path we are destined for. Good luck to you as you continue on your journey!
    Jennifer Wolfe recently posted…Rose Colored MemoriesMy Profile

    1. Agreed! :] Thanks so much, Jennifer! I hope you have a great weekend!

    • Ricardo on May 1, 2015 at 12:23 am
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    I think a lot of how I act today stems from how I perceived growing up. My neighborhood was, well, not the best. Drug dealers and gang life. My parents did their best to keep us from most of it, but my friends were all too familiar with it all. So I had a mixed way of growing up. On one hand, my family was there telling me I’m better than the environment and if I do well I’ll get out of it all. On the otherhand my friends were stuck and I didn’t want to leave them behind. Well it got to a point where my parents wanted to move and we got to a better neighborhood. I quickly made new friends, but only because they all thought like me. I barely impressed them with my street knowledge because we all had the same sort of background. As we got older, we all became successful in what we wanted to accomplish, but we all tend to relate on that original level. Sure we work for state depts or big companies, but we still act “hood” when we need to fit it. Or when it’s funny.

    1. It’s great that you and your friends were successful in what you set out to accomplish, and what your parents did makes sense! I feel like most parents try to protect us from bad influences and to help us get to where we want to get to in life. I was in Fremont all my life, which I know doesn’t compare at all when it comes to the “hood,” but my parents moved us from north Fremont to south Fremont because of the schools, and I’m fairly certain that that did a lot to cultivate the overachiever in me. :O

  12. I think it is how we take in what we learn growing up that affects us. My sister and I were 18 months apart and we do things very differently – with the reasoning going back to how we were brought up! My parents did have a lot of rules, and while I needed structure, my sister railed against it!
    Jenn recently posted…A Fit Like A GloveMy Profile

    1. That’s definitely true! My brother and I are 13 months apart, and we definitely approach things very differently! :P

  13. That is such a nice quote. Having a solid work ethic is such a good tool to have for life, and I think I’ve learned to embrace working! :)
    Jess @hellotofit recently posted…Gluten-free chocolate peanut butter barsMy Profile

    1. haha, I definitely have too! I feel weird when I don’t have something to do! (I can’t stand idle moments!)

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