Feb 18

10 Confessions

Before I start on my 10 confessions that Linda over at Fit, Fed & Happy tagged me semi-recently several eons ago, I just wanted to share that I’ve been accepted as a FitFluential Ambassador!!!

Happy dances all around!! :D!!!

I kinda told myself that this was the last ambassadorship I’d shoot for (unless another seriously-seriously amazing one comes along), because I need to focus on being awesome for my existing ones (and because med school)! <3

FitFluential Is Fitness Found Yayyy!!!

Fitfluential Ambassadors are social media influencers who are passionate about fitness and inspiring others to live healthy lifestyles! :] If you told me a year ago that I’d be a part of all these amazing blogging/fitness communities, I would never have believed you.

A year ago, I was still pretty much private-blogging, and also in the middle of second-year boards terror, where I was attempting to devise a way to stuff (and retain) mountains of information into my head so that I’d pass the first set of my licensing exams to become a physician.

Coming out of my blogging shell was one of the best moves I made last year though, because the people I’ve befriended in these amazing communities have been vital to keeping me going.

I’ve been displaced from what I consider to be home-home for about 4 years now, and sorry to be all sappy, but the support and encouragement I get from you guys (well, mostly ladies ;P ) really makes my life a whole lot better. Thank you for being there for me! <3

In the years to come, and as I grow as a blogger, I hope to…

Alright, so back to the matter at hand! I was tagged by Linda a billion ages ago for this, and am finallyyy posting my confessions for The Confession Game! The rules are super simple!

  • Confess 10 things and tag 10 people–one for each confession.
  • You can talk about something embarrassing, something no one knows about, or a guilty pleasure.

I’m gonna be a total rebel and nominate:

  1. Raewyn @ Be A Warrior Queen
  2. Amy @ Sophisticated Beauty on a Budget
  3. Brooke @ The Pink Lyme
  4. Tricia @ A Couple of Dashes
  5. …and anyone else reading this, if you want to join in! :]

If you do choose to join in, tag me when you finish your post so that I’ll know to go read it! :]

Here are my 10 Confessions! :]

I wish I’d started martial arts, gymnastics, lifting weights, dancing, singing, and cooking at a younger age. For martial arts, my mom thought I’d become all manly, but seeing as how I turned out anyway, she should’ve just let me. :O  Lifting probably would’ve met the same end, but for the others, I was just a total sheep and followed almost everything that my brother did.Since the real issue here is that I wish I could be good at everything, I like to just advocate for the “better late than never” philosophy to make myself feel better. (But imagine how much more awesome I would be now if I’d done these for all my life! *-*)

  1. When I was 9, I got into a huge fight with my brother, so I stole $20 from him. …I felt so guilty about it that I paid him $40 about five hours later. He hadn’t even noticed that I’d taken the original $20 and was very confused. When I explained why about a decade later, he told me to feel free to steal from him anytime.
  2. Sometimes, I still wonder if I somehow slipped through the cracks and med school made a mistake in accepting me. Although I’m pretty overjoyed to be on clinical rotations and interacting with society again instead of living behind notes/review books in a basement, I still waffle between feelings of mediocrity and complete incompetence. :[
  3. Until I started studying exercise biology, my favorite subjects/courses never included science. I’ve always loved writing and the arts, so my favorite subjects were English, Journalism and Treble Ensemble (the all-female choir I auditioned to be a part of in my senior year of high school, when I found out that I needed to take a fine arts course to graduate).Is this weird for a medical student? :O I did finally start liking science in college; I just needed to find my niche!
    Join me for the 10 #Confessions Game! What would be on your list? #secrets

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  4. When I realized things weren’t working in my very first relationship, I tried to end it and he threatened to kill himself. I like to refer to said “relationship” as a learning experience, as I basically came up with my dealbreaker list and learned everything I didn’t want in a relationship from that first one.
  5. I think I’ve put a couple sushi buffets on lockdown whenever I’m around. They seem to really enjoy randomly closing on the days that I’m in town, or on my birthday (especially the ones where it’s free on your birthday). :/
  6. I’m a lot more jaded/apathetic than I used to be, and I’m scared I’m going to burn out.  I sincerely hope that I don’t. This will probably manifest itself into a Medical Mondays post at some point.
  7. I have zero desire to ever have kids. (For me, wanting kids may actually be a dealbreaker in a future significant other.) This will also likely turn itself into a post at some point, because I’ve gotten a lot of extremely insulting comments because of this.
  8. I hate talking on the phone. There are a few exceptions to this, but on the whole, I hate it and avoid it whenever possible. This was probably because of traumatic junior high experiences with people who just could not get the hint. :[ (Exceptions apply when I’m driving to a faraway land, but even then, it is very dependent on the person on the other end!)
  9. Last year, I joined OKCupid so my friends and I could troll each other. I set my location where they were, and it became an unintentional social experiment, mostly because of the breathtakingly beautiful picture I used for my profile. I was honestly shocked that people even bothered to send me messages, but my picture turned out to be a rather effective screen for creepers!What was that? You don’t believe me about the absolutely gorgeous picture I used? Fine, have a look!
    ohemgeewhatisthat

    I guess when you’re given nothing to go off of other than that face, you kinda have to actually read the profile to figure out why anyone would ever use a picture like that. :o (In case you’re wondering, my face looks fossilized because I had Queen Helene’s Mint Julep Masque [affiliate link!] on my face. It’s a good one, and super inexpensive!)

I’m hosting a giveaway on my blog tomorrow, so make sure you stop by! :D

  • Were any of these confessions surprising to you?
  • Would you have messaged someone with that glorious face?!
  • What would one of your confessions be? (Feel free to share more than one, and if you do a post on this, lemme know! It’d be fun to read! :P )

Grow Your Blog Image

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98 comments

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  1. Yeah I hate talking on the phone too, when the home phone rings, I’m like if it’s important they can call my mobile (cause then I can screen).
    I love how honest you were with not wanting kids. Not everyone is parent material, and some people just shouldn’t be. Either way no matter what you are so totally going to be awesome.
    Matilda recently posted…Speedwork Sessions #5My Profile

    1. hehehe, one of the plus sides to living alone = no home phone! I can screen all my calls! (The fact that it’s on eternal silence also unintentionally works for that. :x )

      Thank you! <3 I really hope I will be! :] I definitely agree with you that some people really just shouldn't be parents. :[ I honestly feel like there should be a test of some sort that people have to pass in order to become parents, but...sigh. :x

  2. AHHH! Huge congrats on the Fitfluential Ambassador status! Welcome to the party! :D
    Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating recently posted…Favorite Wedding Planning WebsitesMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :D!!! I was happy-dancing in my chair when I saw the email last night! <3!!

  3. Second, I just did a little happy dance in finding you as a great blogging buddy because…I DO NOT WANT KIDS EITHER. Seriously. And guess what? I found a partner (Wade) that agrees with me 100%. I MIGHT adopt one day….maybe. But it’d just be one. And that’s still a maybe. Either way, I plan on having no babies coming out of my body anytime. I have never felt that instinct or need in me and do not see it ever changing. So high five to your decision from me. :)
    Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating recently posted…Favorite Wedding Planning WebsitesMy Profile

    1. Ohhmicrud, I’m more happy every day that we became blogging buddies! <3!!! I'm glad he's on the same page as you; that's the best thing ever. :] I'm definitely gonna need to find someone super awesome who doesn't want kids either!!

      I've never felt that whole lovey-dovey maternal instinct--throughout my peds rotation, I was mostly just "Oh, you're cute, but I wouldn't want one of my own" with the well-behaved ones. (We'll not talk about the demonspawn.) I don't really see that changing down the road for me either!

      High-five and fistbump! <3

      1. High five indeed! With a double fist bump! Boom! Stick to your guns and do NOT let others tear you down for your decision either. I have had some issues with telling people every once in a while. But yes, find a significant other who supports your wishes. That is so important! SO glad we are blogger buddies! Now if we can meet in real life and become real life buddies! I need to start saving money to visit you wherever you may move to after your current rotation…Or you can visit me anytime in Texas! Plano or Austin. :)
        Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating recently posted…Favorite Wedding Planning WebsitesMy Profile

        1. Yayuh! :P Here’s to hoping I find someone super awesome with similar views! :]

          I reallyyyy really hope we can meet in real life too!! I’m working on scheduling my rotations for next year right now (probably in CA, AZ, PA, WA), but nothing’s really set in stone yet. If Texas weren’t so out-of-state-unfriendly, I’d totally schedule a rotation there just to have an excuse to visit! :o We’ll figure something out! :]

  4. Haha!! That pic is hilarious!!! I guess I am joining the wagon because I don’t want to have kids either..at least for know. I have the pet instinct and I love my doggies but I don’t seem to have that same instinct for babies….I also hate the phone and I hate small talk about the weather and such…
    A confession of mine would be that I love smelling new books, that is the first thing I will do when I buy one. The glossy ones are my favorite…. Too weird? :)
    Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness recently posted…When Food Tastes Better AbroadMy Profile

    1. Agreeeed! I would so, so rather have a whole mess of pets (<3!!!) than even just one child. I have zero instinct for kids, bu[p-076ut adore animals.

      And since we're talking about pets, I decided to leave that "bu[p-076ut" there. Courtesy of my foster kitty. <3 She says hello!

      I don't think that's weird! Everyone's gotta have their own thing! :P I like eating durian, and my family thinks I'm insane.

      1. Hi Kitty!!!

        I have never tried or seen a durian (in real life!) but I so want to try one!
        Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness recently posted…When Food Tastes Better AbroadMy Profile

        1. It’s definitely hard to come by sometimes. I need an Asian market in my life again! ;_; It’s in my relocation criteria! :O

  5. those are some great confessions!! I can relate to many if not all!! I am looking forward to your post about “No desire to have kids, ever”, because I too feel the same way. It just breaks my heart because my parents would love grandchildren, but I just dont….

    also, your relationship. How scary. Its easy to fall into feelings of guilt when things like this happen, but you have to realize its out of your control and NOT your fault

    ps- I dread, hate ,and loathe the telephone too! :)
    Diana recently posted…Ten For Tuesday (In my head)My Profile

    1. Haha, my parents are pretttyyy upset about my declarations, so I’ve stopped bringing it up and I think they’re continuing to hope that I’ll change my mind.

      Sigh. It was a terrible initial decision on my part, but I guess I couldn’t have known. I learned a ton from it though, so at least there’s that? It definitely took me a while to realize that it wasn’t my fault though. I struggled with guilt for ages and swore off relationships for a good while (yay for being kinda traumatized). ._.

      Glad I’m not alone on the phone thing! :D

  6. Congrats and welcome to the FitFluential Family!
    You didn’t slip through the cracks. I promise. You were meant to do this!

    Confession from me. Hmmmmm. Maybe I’ll just have to do my own post, I’ve got some good ones!
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Gluten Free Ranch Beet Burgers (Vegetarian)My Profile

    1. Thank you!! <3 I gotta remember these encouraging words for my bad days! :]

      Looking forward to reading your post! Knowing you, it'll be an awesome one! :D

  7. Love this. Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. Being a parent is definitely not for everyone! Congrats on being a part of the FitFluential community! It’s a fun place to be. And I’m surprised about not being into science and being in medical school!!
    Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…12 Race Etiquette Tips: for the Newbie Racer AND veteransMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :]! I’ve gotten so many flat-out insulting comments when I’ve voiced that in the past that it’s really uplifting to hear people supporting me on that! <3

      haha, that one usually trips people up, so I like using it for "Two Truths & A Lie" icebreakers, because no one ever guesses it! :] I love all things related to exercise biology/physiology and I adore anatomy! <3

  8. Yay for Fitfluential! They have been awesome to me so far! Such a great group!
    You belong and you are going to be a doctor! Don’t doubt yourself girl!!!! Men hardly ever do… women need to stop doing it. (I did it too for years and years!!)
    Julie @ Running in a Skirt recently posted…Pesto Quinoa with ShrimpMy Profile

    1. Yes indeed! I’m super excited about it! :D!

      Thank you so much! I really need to remember that! There have been so many studies done on how women don’t tend to apply for something unless they’re at LEAST 60-80% qualified for a job…whereas men will apply even if they’re completely unqualified. (I may have the statistics off by some, but it was something like that.) Gotta turn them tables!

  9. I love getting to know you! we talked about this before, but I am so with you on starting a professional hobby when I was little. I wish I stuck to dance and became a professional dancer or athlete, but alas I did not and my parents wouldve frowned upon it anyway, as they do with anything nonacademic. they would love you as a daughter for going to medical school!

    As for stealing from your brother…lets just say I didn’t have an older sibling so I made use of mom…hey, she deserved it! :P

    Could you tell the story of your first breakup?

    I also don’t want kids. Man, I’m much too busy doing my own career and stuff I can’t even have a pet dog, I can’t take care of a child!

    I also have a very flattering facial picture….

    http://thefitty.com/2014/10/10/life-in-pictures-8-creepy-facial-and-eats/

    You see…it was the first time I ever applied a facial…but by oh boy could we ever date; we’d be perfect.
    Linda @ TheFitty recently posted…Life Lately {Jan 30 2015-Feb 9 2015}My Profile

    1. I feel ya! My parents definitely would’ve frowned upon my pursuing anything sports/dance-related. They do tell me they would’ve supported me if I’d gone the artsy-fartsy (<3) route with my music major, but that's kinda easy for them to say now that I'm in medical school, hahaha.

      hahaha, my brother made use of me when he got his license! :[! He'd charge me for gas and he didn't even pay his own gas money! (Hence, why I revolted and just walked all over town instead.)

      I actually have a post written about my first relationship that's scheduled to post probably in...uh, April or May. (I schedule everything a billion years into the future, hahaha.)

      Agreed! I do not have enough time, energy or money for a kid, and it's hard enough keepin' my own shit together! :O

      I LOVE YOUR MASK PICTURE. We should totally go on a coffee date with those on. It'd be wondrous! <3

  10. First of all, CONGRATS on becoming a FF ambassador!!! That is AWESOME!!! Also out of all your confessions, the one about not you wanting to have kids resonated with me. You would think because I have them that I would be on the pro-kid side but I am not. I applaud you for knowing what you want and standing by who you are. I know plenty of people who are childless by choice, in long term marriages and extremely happy. You do you, Farrah! Don’t let anyone tell you differently!
    Annmarie recently posted…Wild Workout Wednesday Round UpMy Profile

    1. Thanks, Annmarie! I was so happy when I got the email! I love that FitFluential abbreviated = my initials. <3!

      And hooray! :] Thank you! I love how supportive everyone here is--if only real-life people could be like that too! (It's honestly surprising to me how rude people can be for something that should not in any way be their business!

  11. Congratulations and welcome to Fitfluential. Yor’re going to love it here.

    I hate talking on the phone too. I will look for other methods to communicate and procrastinate making the calls that I can’t avoid.
    Debbie @ Coach Debbie Runs recently posted…Why I RunMy Profile

    1. Thank you! I’m super excited! :D!

      I definitely do that to. :[ Every chance I get!

  12. Okay, I think the most surprising one initially was that your ex threatened to kill himself. And then I remembered just how many people I know have had this happen to them. it is NUTS people think that will ever get anyone to stay!!! I’m so glad you got through it with your faith in humanity intact!

    Hrm. I’m tricky with confessions because I’m a bit of an over-sharer. Okay, my arithmetic skills are on par with a grade school kid’s. That’s the best I’ve got at the moment. For some reason when I left school and became a lawyer, they went to crap!
    jess meddows recently posted…Beer Republic Chiang MaiMy Profile

    1. Oh, my faith in humanity (or really just relationships) was definitely gone for a while, but it got restored for a bit! (Right now, it’s lying dormant in this sorta apathetic state, haha.) I really do agree with you that people try the weirdest things to make people stay. :x

      I know what you mean with the math. :'( Everyone expects me to be good at it because I’m Asian (hah, thanks, guys…), but I haven’t taken a math class in about 7-8 years, so it’s pretty safe to say…I suck at it too. If you don’t use it, you lose it! :'(! (Then again, I haven’t been good at math since elementary school, so who am I kiddin’… :P )

  13. I wish I took yoga seriously when I was young and still flexible. Trying to get some flexibility back is tough and taking a long time.
    Lesley recently posted…Bookworm Wednesday: All Creatures Great and SmallMy Profile

    1. Me too! I wish I’d taken gymnastics back when I was flexible and had no fear. Trying to get over that mental hurdle was the hardest part for me! :/

  14. Congrats on the ambassadorship!!! I love your list! I too wish I had started my favorite activities at a younger age. I just never saw myself as someone active and therefore never tried anything. I’m going to do my best to offer my daughter a variety of opportunities. And I love the one about stealing from your brother. It sounds like the way I would have handled the situation as well.

    1. Thank you! :D! My parents did try to give me all the opportunities they could, but I never really saw myself as someone active either (and also shunned anything I deemed to be “girly”). Most of the focus was always on academics/grades. It’s awesome that you’re giving your daughter a bunch of opportunities!

      We’re way too honest for our own good! :P

  15. Congratulations on becoming a FitFluential Ambassador!
    I love the OKCupid profile picture. It definitely shows you have a sense of humor and makes people look a little deeper at your profile!
    Beth @ Bolting Butterfly recently posted…Top 5 Quinoa RecipesMy Profile

    1. Thanks so much! :D

      I’ve definitely gotten some hilarious reactions to it! :P

  16. Congrats on becoming a FF Ambassador! Welcome to the fam!
    Betsy recently posted…Finish It! Gear 3 Pocket Running Belt ReviewMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :D!

  17. Congrats on becoming a FitFluential Ambassador! And thanks for your honesty with your ten confessions. So fun to learn more about you :)
    Elizabeth @ Enjoy Every Bite recently posted…5 Simple Tips for Mindful EatingMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :D I’m super excited about it!

      I’m a horrible, horrible liar, so for better or worse, the honesty’s gotta stick! :]

  18. LOL @ stealing your brother’s $ and then doubling it back later without him having a clue!

    I had signed up for OK Cupid between husbands. Never was really active there. I think I still occasionally get emails from them but I don’t remember my login information so I can’t unsubscribe!
    Cassi recently posted…Back to Beast ModeMy Profile

    1. I knowww! So sad, hahaha. I should’ve just stuffed it back where it was and pretended it never happened!

      Aww, that sucks! There’s no unsubscribe option in the email, huh? :[

  19. congratulations! And remember, med school makes everyone question if they were the anomaly :)
    Pragati // Simple Medicine recently posted…Fitbit Flex vs. Jawbone UP24My Profile

    1. Thank you! I will definitely keep that in mind for my bad days! :]

  20. Congrats!! You will be a great ambassador :) Ohh I remember the days where I would get into serious physical fights with my brother…so young haha
    Alanna recently posted…Almond Raisin Granola BarsMy Profile

    1. Thanks, Alanna! <3!

      Same here! We used to try to beat the crap out of each other on a regular basis! Thankfully, when I was around 11 and he was 12, we made a pact to never fight again, and basically haven't ever since. (Perfect timing, because life would've sucked for me after he joined the wrestling team!)

  21. Congrats on FitFluential! How very exciting!!
    Eryn at A Glimpse into Eryn’s World recently posted…Tax Season: How I Plan to Keep Myself Organized for 2015My Profile

    1. Thank you! :D!

  22. Farrah, welcome to the Fit Fluential family, congrats:)
    Lynda@fitnessmomwinecountry recently posted…#whatslovely FOODMy Profile

    1. Thank you, Lynda! <3!

  23. Congrats on FitFluential!

    And I totally agree with the never having kids confession! I’m not a kid hater or anything of the sort, I’ve just never had the desire to create a mini human. And my husband is always saying how he will never be ready for a kid! And that’s totally fine with me! We got a cat once and the poor thing didn’t last a week in our house before we had to bring it back! We just love our freedom way too much to lost it!

    1. Thank you! <3

      I've never had the desire to make little me's either, hahaha. That's awesome that you and your husband are on the same page though! Best way to be! :P

      I love my freedom too, but I do want a whole mess of pets when I'm finally done moving all over the place! :]!

  24. Yay, welcome to the FitFluential group, its seriously an awesome group of inspiring people! As far as your confessions, I love these kinds of posts, you always learn so much about people through thtem!
    Sara @ lifebetweenthemiles recently posted…It’s not all about meMy Profile

    1. Thank you! I’m excited! :D!

      I love em’ too! :] It took me ages to finally write this one up though!

  25. Congrats on being selected as a FitFluential ambassador! The #FitFam is a great group of fitness enthusiasts, and I’ve absolutely enjoyed being able to network with everybody.
    Kathryn @ Dancing to Running recently posted…Factors to Consider When Choosing a RaceMy Profile

    1. Yay! So glad to hear that! :] I’m super excited! Gotta love the #fifam! <3

    • Sun on February 18, 2015 at 12:32 pm
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    Congrats on being selected as a FitFluential Ambassador! You’ll have fun with that group :)

    Haha – I loved your confession about stealing from your brother and feeling so guilty that you repaid double what you stole! Also, I totes agree about talking on the phone. I would rather email, text, message, or even meet in person over talking on the phone!
    Sun recently posted…Will I Ever Race Again?? Plus, This Week’s Training Schedule!My Profile

    1. Thank you! :D! It looks like a lot of fun!

      That $20 would come in handy now! :'( But oh well, haha. I taught myself a lesson, I guess!
      My hierarchy kinda goes with meeting in person > text > gchat/fb message > snail mail/carrier pigeon/etc. > phone conversations. :]

  27. Love the confessions post and yay for being a FF ambassador! I can imagine you get a lot of things said about not wanting kids. Some people can be so mean. Having children isn’t for everyone and that is perfectly ok! I hate talking on the phone too. Glad I’m not alone on that one. I don’t know why though???

    1. For serious! I’m honestly shocked sometimes about how worked up/rude people get when it’s honestly none of their business.

      I’m not sure why I dislike it so much either, haha. Given the choice, I’d much rather meet in person, but for the most part, I’d choose texting over phone conversations any day.

    • Ricardo on February 18, 2015 at 12:46 pm
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    1) I wish I took football training more seriously. I went on my natural abilities (see fat kid turned into skinny kid) and didn’t hit the weight room hard enough. Recently I’ve been going heavy at the gym, but had I known that I would have developed rapidly enough I would have done a better job as a kid. Plus I wouldn’t have had to worry about the whole diet thing.

    2) I’m pretty sure I suffer from depression. I haven’t gone and seen a therapist or anyone yet on it, but having read the DSM V long enough, it seems like I’m hitting a lot of those points. Heck, my coworker thought that I had ADD, which thankfully I didn’t test onto. But most days I feel like Robin Williams. I try very hard to make everyone else seem to enjoy their lives and smile, while I’m feeling hollow on the inside. It’s not been as intense as others, but whatever I have still hurts.

    3) I wish I got into a band when I was younger. I am good with the drums now, sure, but it’s more natural talent that should have been developed at least 10 years ago. I don’t regret playing so many video games, but I should have at least tried to see if I could have been good with others.

    4) There are two things in life I could eat forever. Pizza and Sushi. There’s maybe a select few combinations of either that I won’t eat (I can’t do sardines as a topping nor could I do an entire wasabi roll) but pretty much everything else is fair game.

    5) I often wish DDR was still popular. Back in the day, I was amazing at it and the community was tight knit. When arcades in general started dissipating, the community kind of broke up. There’s a smaller scene now, but it doesn’t quite feel the same.

    6) Talking to you has been a bit of a happy accident. Granted, I’ve not much luck with okc, but talking with you has been both fun and reflective. Plus I really enjoy your perspective on life. It makes me think about mine and where I want to be as well. And when our paths cross in real life, I’m sure it will be a grand time.

    7) You know how people have bumper stickers that say “I’d rather be skiing” or whatever? I would honestly rather be driving. I love being behind a 1 ton machine that is transporting me to any destination I want. I can control the speed that I get there, I’m protected from most of the elements, and depending on the car I can do it efficiently. Looks could matter, sure, but sometimes the ugliest cars have the best performance.

    8) I don’t lift because I’m trying to be healthy (anymore, although it’s a nice side affect), I’m lifting because I’m goal oriented in life. I want to do things that have meaning, or if I’m achieving something. Right now, lifting to a certain weight is helping me to push to get something that I never had before. And it extends to the rest of my life as well. Right now, the biggest goal is wanting to become a little Atlas, without having to be banned into holding the Earth on my back though.

    9) While we’re talking about jobs, as much as I like helping people out, I can’t stay in my profession for long. It’s one thing of wanting to coach up people for job readiness, it’s taxing in the sense that When it doesn’t work out or it hasn’t been going well, you start to question if it’s you and your methods. It’s good that things go wrong and you learn from situations (Why do we fall, master Wayne?), but every other day it seems like I keep falling. Plus, I’m simply not paid enough for it. It really is a high service job, but I find myself scraping by at the end of the month, and that’s while budgeting as best as I can.

    10) I really am hard on myself. I mean, more so than I really ought to be. I find myself constantly thinking about everything I did wrong, and how I either should have made it right or never done it at all. Does it stem from that depression thing? Maybe. But it’s something I’ve been working on. Some days I let it slide and I don’t let it affect me as bad. But then there are days where I probably should have been invisible to begin with. I feel like for every good thing I am about, there’s an equally bad thing that counteracts it at the same scale.

    1. I wish I’d taken what little gymnastics training I had seriously (+ also that I had no fear). I would’ve been so much better at it! :O

      I’m really sorry to hear about #2! How long has it been going on for? :/ Does it come and go in spells (of sorts), or is it just kinda a general flat unhappy feeling? :/ Do you still enjoy your hobbies and interests? (Sorry for all the questions–pretty sure being in psych has gotten to me.)

      I’d go with the “better late than never” philosophy on that!

      If I could have an endless bowl of any type of food, sushi would most definitely be it. <3

      That sucks. :[ I always thought DDR would be fun, but never got a chance to play it much.

      Thanks! I'm really glad to hear that, and talking to you has been awesome too! You are all sorts of awesome for listening to my struggle-bussing through rotations and terrible weather, hehehe.

      I want to live in a place where I can walk/bike to get to wherever I want, but it's mostly because of practicality and the fact that I hate having to pay for gas. I got my license 4 years ago and have only been driving for the past 3, so I'm way more used to walking, haha. I miss sidewalks.

      This girl reallyyy needs to get her ass back into the gym to lift. ;_; I keep getting let out super late these days so by the time I'm out, the gym is pretty much closed/closing. Makes me super sad!

      I definitely feel you on that, and I'm sure I'm going to run into that all the time if I stick with my family medicine route. Just remember that you're doing the best that you can, and at the end of the day, it's not up to you to change other people. No matter how great your intentions are and how much you try to help them, they can't/won't do it unless they themselves want to change.

      Can definitely relate to your last one. I think constantly wanting to be better and to improve yourself is definitely a good thing, but that striking a balance is also really important! I used to be super, super critical of anything I ever did, to the point that I'd never give myself credit, even for things I'd done a great job on, because I always thought "it could be better." It took a really long time to learn to celebrate my victories too, however small they might be!

        • Ricardo on February 19, 2015 at 11:43 am
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        2) No worries, I figured that you’d ask those kinds of questions (otherwise what kind of doctor would you be?). I’ve been experiencing it since high school, but back then I had plenty of distractions and family/friend support that I never sat and thought about it. And for the most part (with the exception of some traumatic life events) I hadn’t felt it hard when I started dating my ex. I think it started to come back when I graduated college and had to start working some shit jobs just to make ends meet. About 2 and a half years ago it when it came into full force (breakup, fired, moving back home) where I had long episodes. I think I’ve mentioned that I slept for something like three days straight. While I’ve been working on not lingering in the past, lately I’ve been going through at least 3 day stints where I absolutely am not finding pleasure in anything. The only thing I’d want to do is sleep, which I try to get. Only recently have I begun to read the DSM V (which is a big thing in our field) and I started to think about all that stuff. I’m trying to get more endorphins active without having to rely on pharmaceuticals, so I really am trying to stay in the gym, heh.

        7) You know, your bike thing brings up another confession. I’ve never ridden a bike. I’ve been embarrassed when my friends would invite me to ride, even so much as getting me a spare bike, but I’ve never gotten on one to learn or anything. And ever since I moved to the City, I’ve been using MUNI for most transport, and my car for standard commute. Maybe that should categorize as a “better late than never” thing.

        So, we’ll be playing DDR when you come visit then? =p

        1. Do you feel like the events that happened in your life (e.g. the breakup, job loss) kinda triggered it to make it worse and that it’s been worse than in high school ever since? I’m sorry that you’re having a lot of “blah” (for lack of a better word ._.) days, but it’s good that you’re trying to get more sleep and also exercising! I hope that helps! I’m unfortunately not going to be very much help because at this point in time, (if I were a psychiatrist and if this were seriously affecting your everyday functioning) I’d probably be going over medication options if lifestyle modifications weren’t helping. :[

          I definitely would not bike in SF, hahaha. I’d be worried about being mowed over by drivers. If you ever do want to learn, I can run alongside you and attempt to make sure you don’t fall off! :P

          I’m gonna preface that I’m terrible at it, but sure! :P

            • Ricardo on February 20, 2015 at 9:11 am
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            Yeah, I think the combination of events definitely triggered it to an extreme level. Like, one of those days I got so low that I started to contemplate how everyone would go about without me anymore. Ugh, that’s when I knew I had to do something else with my life. And although it’s not your field, I think you’re helping me out by giving me an outlet of sorts. I’m also thankful that I’m not taking any medication, actually. I don’t think it would allow me to go to the gym the way I have been, haha.

            I might take you up on that bike thing. But I agree, it’s waaaay too gnarly in SF to bike around. Also, I’ve shown you a video of me playing ddr, so I’ll get you to my level =p

            • Farrah on February 20, 2015 at 9:41 pm
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            :[ Sorry to hear that! I’m glad I’m possibly helping though! I’m usually terrible at talking, but good with listening! :O

            “Gnarly” reminds me of surfers in Santa Cruz, hahaha.

  29. Congrats! Welcome to our FF community my friend! XOXO
    You did NOT slip through the crack! You are 100% where you should be smart girl!
    #5 is scary…wow.
    and #8 and 9 are so me too! No kids and ugh I HATE talking and the phone AND texting…so I don’t!
    Rebecca @ Strength and Sunshine recently posted…Celiac Disease Is Not An AllergyMy Profile

    1. Aww, thank you so much! <3!

      Yeahh, #5 was not a fun one, but at least I learned a lottttt of things! :O

      I'm way more okay with texting than phone conversations, but I think it's mostly because we can get back to each other when it's most convenient, and I don't feel like I have to put down everything I need to do to attend to it as I'd have to with a phone conversation. :O

  30. I must admit I think that OK Cupid scenario was quite funny! Whether you choose to have kids or not is your deal. Shouldn’t be any one else’s business or decision to make for you. Congrats on the new ambassadorship. I hate talking on the phone too. I’ll avoid answering or making phone calls just because I don’t want to be on the phone. And if I am talking to you via phone, make it quick and get to the point so I can hang up.
    Terra Heck recently posted…Wordful Wednesday – BRGRMy Profile

    1. haha, I definitely got a kick out of it! :]

      Agreed! I wish others would understand that!

      I’m okay with short and to-the-point phone calls, but yeah, if they take 4234 years to get to the point…no.

  31. Yaay, it’s awesome knowing that you’re a new FitFluential ambassador, too! I’m surprised about your confession about science classes, as you’re in med school :)
    Jess @hellotofit recently posted…The elephant in the…hutMy Profile

    1. Yay!! :D! Super excited for the both of us!

      haha, that one’s always the kicker! If it makes it any better, I adore exercise physiology and anatomy! <3

  32. This post is awesome, I seriously had a huge smile on my face reading it! Love the profile pic you used for that page, that is just awesome!!!
    I think that your in med school is awesome, but that is totally funny you don’t like science classes:)
    Congrats on your Fitfluential Ambassadorship:) They are an awesome community, I have had some of my most amazing blog opportunities come through them. Great group of people to be associated with!!!!
    Kristy @Runaway Bridal Planner recently posted…Hush, Hush Series by Becca FitzpatrickMy Profile

    1. hahaha, thank you! :] I got a kick out of it every time I saw it (although I will admit, I’d often be like, “What the hell is that?!–Oh, that’s me.”).

      This is probably the root of why I feel like I slipped through the cracks, hahaha. :P If it makes it any better, I did start loving my science classes in the last two years of undergrad!

      Thank you! I’m really excited about it! <3

  33. CONGRATS on your ambassadorship! That’s so awesome! I did a happy dance when I was accepted to Fitfluential a month or so ago because it seemed so out of the realm of possibilities that I was absolutely shocked when I got my acceptance letter. Welcome to the club though! You absolutely deserve it!

    I love that you paid your brother $40 and he said feel free to steal from him whenever! That’s hilarious! And SERIOUSLY?!?! People are leaving you negative comments about not wanting kids?!?!?! Where do they get off?!?!?! HOW RUDE!!!

    Thanks for the tag! :)
    Tricia @ A Couple of Dashes recently posted…Diagnosis: Needs to run.My Profile

    1. Thank you! :D! I never thought I’d apply/get accepted either, but hooray hooray for the both of us! <3!

      We have a fun friendship goin' on, haha.

      Anddd yep, unfortunately. I found it upsetting at first, but have since just learned to tune them out, because at the end of the day, I kinda don't give a crap what they say. My body, my business!

      Can't wait to read yours! :P

    • Ali on February 18, 2015 at 6:18 pm
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    I like your #1 because I agree. I wish I had started some of those physical/skill based activities at a younger age so that I would have had more experience with them. I wasn’t super active when I was younger, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be, I just didn’t know better. Being exposed to stuff like that would have been really great.
    Ali recently posted…25 Things About MeMy Profile

    1. If only! :[ There are a lot that I think I could’ve/would’ve been awesome at it if I’d started earlier, but…I like to think that it’s better late than never!

  35. Congrats on the ambassadorship! That is so great! I hope I’m there one day! And I love your confessions too. I’m right there with you on hating talking on the phone. It’s one of my very least favorite things to do!
    Donna recently posted…Meal Prep ~ It Does a Body Good!My Profile

    1. Thank you! :D

      I avoid it like the plague whenever possible! :P

  36. I also HATE talking on the phone. If someone calls me, I let it go to voice mail, then I text them back. Terrible, I know! So I assume your ex didn’t follow through with that threat? That’s ridiculous when people do that.
    katie @ fromicecreamtomarathon recently posted…Another marathon bites the dust…My Profile

    1. Thankfully, he did not, or I think it would’ve taken even longer to get over all the guilt I felt. :x

      I do that sometimes too, but usually it’s because I really can’t talk on the phone at that moment. Texting is way more convenient!

  37. First off, HUGE congrats about FitFluential! That’s seriously cool! I think it’s awesome how much your blog has grown in the year since I’ve known you (has it almost been a year since we joined GGS?!?) Now on to your 10 things:

    3. I don’t think med school made a mistake at all- I think you’re very smart. But I can understand how you feel- sometimes I feel inadequate while doing things as well. It’s natural for humans to feel like this occasionally I think.

    5. I think everyone has relationship drama or a toxic relationship at some point. The important thing is you learned a lesson from your experience! I really hope that guy got the help he needed.

    7. I totally feel like I will burn out sometimes. I haven’t been too much into regular running lately- and I think it’s because of that reason. The important thing is to keep things interesting and change up your routine when needed! I think when you’re done with that psych rotation you’ll be better- maybe the gloom and doom will vanish with the psych unit!

    8. Me either. Everyone says I’ll change my mind, but the more I experience life, the less I like kids! And everyone also likes to give me their opinions on this, but the important thing to remember is that it’s YOUR life and YOU have to deal with the choices you make. Not other people.

    9. Another thing we agree on. I’d much rather text than call. It’s just easier.

    10. I’d totally take you on a date with that face!! :-D
    Montana Ross recently posted…Savage Race GIVEAWAY!My Profile

    1. Thanks so much, Montana! <3! I can't believe it's almost been a year since we joined GGS! Can we plan a blog party!?!? Are those even a thing!? hehehe)

      I hope they didn't! I think it's partly because there's just this overwhelming sense of unknown and the fact that I'm always, always, always going to be learning because there's no way I'll ever know everything, but I'll keep on truckin'!

      Agreed! I think being able to learn something from every bad experience kindasorta makes up for the experience. I think he's doing a lot better now, so hooray for that. :O

      Psych is actually starting to get better! (Yayy!) It's amazing what changing your mindset can do! I feel like I'm not being very fair to it just because it's something I really don't want to spend my life doing. People are nice, and honestly, it could be much worse, so I'm trying to count my blessings!

      I've been trying to vary everything up in terms of working out lately too, just to keep life interesting. :]

      People really like to tell me I'll change my mind too, but...yeah, no. (Obviously, I can't see the future, but I just really can't see myself wanting kids. They're cute when they're well-behaved and not mine?) I'm just using people's comments as fuel for my post, and ohhh, some of them really provide good ones. :O

      Agreed! I always feel bad when I have to call people because I'm worried they'll be busy, haha.

      Why thank you! ;]

  38. Congratulations on joining the FitFluential team! That’s awesome.

    Wow–thank you for sharing such personal confessions. I guess I’m most surprised by #5. That’s an awfully difficult situation your ex put you through. I had a very needy ex who said some toxic things to me about me never finding anyone else who loved me as much as he did, etc., and I wondered if he would take the step of trying to hurt himself. Fortunately he didn’t.
    Molly @alsoranagain recently posted…Weekend UpdateMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :D!

      I’m glad he didn’t either, and I’m really glad that you’re no longer in that situation! (My knee-jerk response to what he said to you would be, “If you call this love, I’d rather no one ever love me.” :x I’m sorry you had to deal with that!)

      #5 was definitely not a fun life experience, but I did learn a lot from it, and got to be very, very good at expelling toxic relationships/friendships/people in general from my life from thereon out, so some good did come out of it!

  39. I love your candidness and feel like I know you – even though I don’t. But I hope to get to know you better through the blog hop and beyond! As such, none of your confessions ‘surprised’ me and a few definitely resonated.

    A couple of confessions:
    1) My first ‘real’ relationship was very toxic and emotionally abusive. I didn’t realize it at the time because a) it was semi-long distance, meaning we only met on weekends. I think if we’d been together 24/7, things would have ended sooner. And b) I was having a lot of self-esteem issues, and didn’t recognize that the relationship was actually making them worse!

    2) I wish I’d gained a sense of style and learned to be more confident about my appearance before I started losing my hair! All of the things I could have done with it! Alas, I’m stuck with the shaved head look from now until eternity…

    Thanks again for sharing! :-)
    Bradley recently posted…First Half Half Marathon – Race ReportMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :]! I’m so glad for that blog hop! There are so many awesome blogs that I never would’ve found otherwise! (Now, if only I had a billion more hours in each day…)

      I’ve never really been in a long-distance relationship, but I can definitely see how that would’ve made it harder to realize that. (I know I probably would’ve been making excuses for the other person and thinking things like, “You don’t even get to see them very often; don’t ruin the little chances where you get to spend time with them by fighting!”) I’m sorry that you had to go through that, but I feel ya on the toxicity and emotional abusive-ness. Glad we’re both out of those situations now! :]

      Aww, it’s okay! You can still have style and confidence, good sir! Just own it! ;P!

  40. I also wish I started/tried more as a kid. I didn’t play any sports until middle school age. And, I often wonder if I would know how to dance or not be so embarrassed to attempt to dance if I took some type of classes when I was a child. Who knows! Oh, and I love that profile picture! Too funny!
    Lisa @ Lisa Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…Peaks and Valleys: Adventures in Training Week 5, 6 & 7My Profile

    1. hehehe, thank you! :D I didn’t play any sports until high school, and am super sad about it. My parents actually did try putting me through dance classes when I was little, but I shunned pretty much anything that I deemed to be girly, so that didn’t work out so well. (Sigh.) Can’t really change my past, so I’ve been trying to focus on the present/future. :]!

  41. I am so happy that I found your blog. You are amazing and you didn’t slip through any cracks. I hate talking on the phone, too. And #8. I could fill a blog with all of the comments I have gotten about the fact that The Husband and I have no children. A blog, a book… I have always know that I did not want children but I love my nieces and nephew and all my friends’ kiddies. Thanks for sharing. I may do this one but it will take me some time to press publish.
    Erica @ erica finds recently posted…Wednesday #Giveaway Round Up Link Up (#5)My Profile

    1. Aww, thank you! I’m super happy that I found yours as well! <3 And hooray for #8! I've been feeling really alone in that opinion because everyyyyyone here has kids. Most people younger than me are on their 3rd or 4th child. o_o I'm going to be filling an entire post later this year on comments I've gotten about not wanting children. :P

      Looking forward to reading it if you do end up writing one! :]!

  42. I’ve always regretted not taking singing and guitar lessons. I have to say I’m really tired of people talking down to me when I say I don’t want kids. I’ve known that I didn’t want children since I was a teenager, I’m 33 now. I know that I don’t want them and I don’t need people telling me I don’t know my own mind. It is a deal breaker for me. If I get married I don’t want step kids and I can’t marry a man who might want kids. I don’t know why people get so in their feelings when a woman says she doesn’t want kids. I would totally have messaged someone with that face because I would assume they had a real sense of humor.

    1. Agreed! People like to look at me like I’m some kind of demon when I say that I don’t want to marry someone with kids or marry someone who might want kids. I cannot for the life of me figure out why my reproductive preferences bother them that much (or how it’s any of their business). >_>

      Hooray! :P I get a kick outta that profile picture, hehehe. :]

  43. I have two very good friends that feel the same way about kids. And as someone who has two of them and cannot live without them, I support your decision wholeheartedly. It’s not for everyone. And a doctor?! You are so awesome!
    Smitha @ Running with SD Mom recently posted…Wednesday #GIVEAWAY Roundup – #WinAllThePrizesMy Profile

    1. Glad to know I’m not alone! :]!

      Thanks! :D! Here’s to hoping it all pans out! *-*

  44. Congratulations on becoming a FitFluential Ambassador. That is exciting.

    I never wanted children either. And yes, I was told all of the time that I would change my mind. I didn’t. When I met my husband he wanted children. I thought it was going to be a deal breaker for us, but actually another guy sat him down and talked to him about it, the drama, the finances of it, everything. He then decided that he would go along with the no children plan. I was always worried that he would regret it later. But there have been so many times when we are around other people’s children that he will suddenly lean over to me and say “I’m so glad we didn’t do that.” Every time it makes my heart sing.

    Great confessions and I can only imagine that medical school would make anyone feel that they slipped through the cracks. You didn’t. Hang in there.
    Ima Mosier recently posted…365 Challenge – I Can’t CountMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :]

      I get told that all the time. I think I’m going to be worrying about the same thing if I eventually find someone I want to marry who wants kids! I’m so glad that it worked out so well for you! :] That’s awesome!

      <3! I'll do my best to keep on truckin'!

  45. Congrats on the ambassadorship! That’s exciting news!!! I could never imagine having kids and really enjoyed my life. But now, I have a daughter and couldn’t be happier. We waited until our mid 30s though. Never say never :)
    Christine {dreamBIGrunner} recently posted…The Future of my BlogMy Profile

    1. Thank you! :]!

      I definitely get that a lot, haha. While I can’t see the future so I can’t completely rule out the fact that I may change my mind, , I just can’t imagine wanting to add even more responsibilities/obligations into my life as it is. x_x

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