M: What are you sneaking over there?
F: What? I’m not sneaking anything. :O Curry and rice?
M: Oh, I thought it was pineapple fried rice.
F: Well, this does have pineapple in it. I can make more of the other one sometime.
M: :D! I’m glad you don’t have any of it today though. I can’t eat anymore today.
F: How come?
M: I ate an entire large pizza. I’m trying to be on a caloric deficit so I can keep my abs.
F: …
M: I wonder how many calories that was…
F: Um, you probably don’t want to know.
M: I’m gonna look it up.
(pause)
M: Plus two instant oatmeal packets. I’m at 2550 today.
F: …
M: But that’s normal for me, right?
F: All I’m saying is, if you want to keep your abs, you might want to eat something better than pizza. Unless you’re genetically blessed (which you are), but even still.
M: Not to sound like an asshole, but I am genetically blessed.
F: There he goes again.
M: No! I just meant that I can eat what I want.
F: Indeed you can, sir.
M: How much can you eat? (looks it up) 2300-2400. So an active female can eat about as many calories as a sedentary-to-moderate male.
F: (sigh) You still might want to look into eating better food…
M: (points at the screen) But the government says I’m perfect!
F: …
M: Can I have some of your chicken?
F: I thought you wanted to be at a caloric deficit.
M: But that pizza was 5 hours ago.
F: Well, this is what I have left. :O
M: (shifty glance) Someone’s gonna have to eat that.
F: Would you like to be the one?
M: Yes!!!
(bowl of food is consumed)
F: I still have a huge pot at home. Wanna help me eat it?
M: :D I will help you because I’m a friend.
F: What happened to your fish?
M: Well, it’s not as good. And it’d take me an hour to cook it and clean everything up, so your food beats my food on every level. I’m slow, I know. :[ But I’m good at other things!
F: Like what?
M: Video games!
facepalm.
