Whether or not a woman wants to have children is apparently a really controversial topic. I’ve never understood this, because I fail to see the why and how.
Is it anyone’s business other than my own when it comes to whether or not I want to bring forth life into this world?
I’d like to think not.
I want to preface that I [obviously] have nothing against mothers and those who do want children*. I think the mothers and to-be mothers who love their children and raise them right are wonderful people, and give them major props.
*Exceptions apply to the parents who are having more kids just so they can get a bigger welfare check. It upsets and disturbs me to see how many times I’ve come across people like that in the hospital/clinic. But that is a rant for another time.
The fact that I happen to own a uterus does not mean that I should automatically want to grow something in it. I figured I’d elaborate on one of my confessions today.
5 Things I’ve Been Told For Not Wanting Kids
These are probably the shittiest things people have said to me:
…So you’re basically just going to waste your whole purpose in life as a female?
…My mistake! Clearly, I was only brought into this world to have babies, because what other purpose could I possibly serve in life?! Certainly not finishing medical school so I can become a physician!
While we’re at it, have you ever thought about what that comment would sound like to someone who can’t have children? Forserious, please learn to be a [considerate] human being. (Also, telling me that my possession of a presumably functional uterus means that I have to have children really doesn’t make any sense.)
Only women who give birth can experience true joy./Only mothers know true selflessness./You’ll never know real love unless you have children./My life had no meaning until I had children.
So…that’s really lovely that you think you know what true joy is in my life! You have obviously never seen me around someone I love. Or food. Or cute animals.
We’re definitely going to have to agree to disagree on our definitions of joy, selflessness, and love.
I’m sorry that you felt your life had no purpose, but let me just state the obvious by saying that I am not you, and I feel that my life is full of purpose without children.
That’s so selfish! Won’t you regret it when you’re old and alone?
I’m pretty sure having kids just so I won’t be lonely (have you perchance heard of pets?), and with the expectation that they’re going to take care of me when I’m old and grey is astronomically more selfish. (But what do I know, right?)
I’d much rather regret not having kids than have them and regret it.
“Oh, you’re just young./When you find the right person, you’ll change your mind later.“
I’m sorry, did I miss the part where you introduced yourself as a psychic? Can you tell me the winning lotto numbers so I’ll know when I can fast-track my way out of my ever-increasing debt?
Dripping sarcasm aside, I obviously can’t predict the future, so maybe someday down the road, I really will change my mind and decide that yes, I do in fact want to make tiny-human blends of me and the dude of my dreams (hah). I’m not ruling that out, but that’s still not your business, and if you tell me, “I told you so,” I will probably kick you in the face. Unless you’re really tall, in which case, I will use my knees.
Also not entirely sure why meeting “the right person” will suddenly make me want to procreate.
Oh, that’s fine. You can always adopt!
…I don’t think you heard or understood me when I said that I didn’t want kids. :/
Of course, when I voice my thoughts on this, people usually then get the impression that I hate all children, or that I’ve just “never been around them, and once I have been, I’ll change my mind.”
- I used to teach piano to + tutor elementary school kids throughout high school and college, and was a VBS counselor for several years.
- I spent several school breaks volunteering as a science camp counselor (aka assuming temporary-parental-responsibility for eighteen 11-12-year-olds at a time.
- I also volunteered for several years at a children’s hospital in the Therapeutic Recreation/Child Life (fancy way of saying that I played video games + came up with fun art projects/crafts/etc. to do with the kids).
Believe it or not, pediatrics was actually one of my favorite rotations! The chief resident here actually thought I wanted to go into peds. (hahahano, but only because I don’t want to deal with certain parents.)
I think sweet + well-behaved children are awesome, and hanging out with them can definitely be fun…but the best part is that I get to choose when that happens.
- Do you want kids? (Or do you have kids?)
- Have you ever said any of these things to anyone?
- Has anyone ever told you any of this? How did you respond?
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You are my sister from another mister, I swear. We are long lost soulmates of the female kind. Seriously! This is ALL me, right here! Thank you for writing this post, you really did read my mind. First of all, how dare someone say number 1 to you?! I’ve been told some crappy things myself for admitting I do not want to give birth to any children one day, but never something that harsh. I think I would have to hold myself back from punching them. Kudos for you doing so….haha. And number 5! If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that one! Jeez. Anyways, just know I’m giving you a virtual high five and pat on the back for standing up for your position on this topic. And doing it so well.
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For serious! :O
Funny you should mention the “another mister” part though–my dad is actually the one who said that first one to me. I was pretttty angry, but of course, could/would not take a swing at him, hahaha. My parents can generally get away with saying anything to me, no matter how harsh. D:
And ohhh, #5! Honestly, if I could do a temporary raising-of-a-child and just get to it when I wanted to, I’d consider it, but it doesn’t work that way, and hellll to the no on childbirth! (My current rotation is probably the best birth control ever.)
Before I got married I told my aunt that I didn’t want children. She then preceded to say “then what’s the point of getting married?” Ummm, maybe because I want to spend the rest of my life with the man I love? I figured that was a good enough reason. Every time I mentioned that I don’t want kids, people get this funny look on their face, like their is something wrong with me. It’s so frustrating! Recently I have just played along with people when they talk about children because I don’t feel like dealing with them. :/ it’s really refreshing to meet other women who also do not want children :)
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For serious! It’s hard for me to understand when people think the sole purpose in getting married is to have children. Whatever happened to just wanting to spend your life with someone that you love?
I’m glad I’m not alone too! <3 Hang in there!
AMEN girl!! I am with you 100%. I’m sorry you’ve had such shitty remarks made about your decision though. I’ve been pretty fortunate in that most people just tell me my motherly instincts will kick in when I get “older”. So far the older I get the less I want children! Haha. We have a world to change, my friend! ;) No time for kids!
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Ah, I love the way you put it, Ariana! The “we have a world to change” mindset is perfect! <3
Yeah, I've actually been waiting for those "motherly instincts" to kick in. If they were to do so at any point, I would've thought they would now (I've been surrounded by mothers/babies for the past month), but instead, it's actually acting as the best birth control ever. The more I see what motherhood entails, the less I want to have anything to do with it. :x
I’m 29 and while I don’t have kids now, I wouldn’t mind having one someday. Still, I get people telling me these same reasons and I think it’s quite sad. Everyone is entitled to do what they want, and the world already has an overpopulation problem anyway. Typically the comments I get are from people I went to high school with or after someone else in my distant family has a kid, people will ask *when* we plan to have one (not if, but when, as if it is mandatory…).
I’ll say this, I thought I’d be married and having a kid around 25ish. Then when I was 25, I thought it would be around 30. I’m almost 30 now and still no plans… I figure I’ll let life happen :).
Amy Lauren recently posted…Training for Summertime 5Ks (May 18-24)
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Yeahh, it kinda bothers me when people just assume that kids are going to happen in a relationship or marriage. I hear ya on the overpopulation problem, and I don’t see myself ever having the time to raise a kid the way I’d want to, so I’d much rather not!
That’s a good way to go! :] I have no idea when or if I’m ever going to get married, but it’d be pretty cool to find someone amazing someday! :]!
amen!! Seriously, mind your own business right!! It may not be for everyone, myself included. I teach special needs kids. THEY are my children. I dont have the energy or patience to be able to handle having my own children! There is so much stigma that goes along with deciding not to have children….
yet so many people HAVE them for the wrong reasons
good for you!
ps- I am 34
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Exactly! I’ve seen so, so many kids out there who are born to parents who don’t bother taking good care of them–it’s extremely disheartening. :[
I’m totally with you on that! I imagine that however rewarding it may be, the special needs kids you teach already take a whole ton of energy and patience! (For me, that’ll probably be analogous to me with my future patients!)
I’m in my 40s now and definitely know kids aren’t in the cards but for me they never have been. I have plenty of young nieces and nephews whom I love and adore as well as friends kids I’d do anything for but that still doesn’t mean I want any of my own. Fortunately I’ve never really had anyone say some of those awful things to me and find it sad anyone would! Great post, you are doing amazing things!
Mar @ Mar on the Run recently posted…DC Fitness: Zengo Cycle
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Thank you so much! <3 I'd totally be exponentially happier being the cool aunt and playing with my cousin's kids or my friend's kids (if they choose to have any) in the future! :]
At this point, I pretty much don’t get offended by anything people say (and in most of East Asia, it’s culturally acceptable to say/ask just about anything, as you probably know, so I’m immune to any question–I answer all honestly). No matter what, people will criticize you/vocally disagree with you. You probably are in the minority by claiming that you don’t want kids already at your stage in life–I think it’s more commonly a decision jointly made with a partner. Some people are okay either way, some people have strong leanings one way or the other, and many people change their minds during a lifetime. Angel never ever wanted kids until he met me in his mid 20s–part of that was influenced because he knew I wouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t interested in having kids with me, but at this point, he wants them, of his own accord, like yesterday.
I do think that being old and not having any family at all would be tough. My grandpa’s cousin and his wife, who have always been close to our family, don’t have any family at all of their own–no siblings, no children–just my grandpa and all of my grandpa’s descendants. They have faced serious health issues over the last few years, to the point where they could no longer take care of themselves, and my grandparents, my aunt and uncle, and my younger siblings stepped in, housed them, and started taking care of their food/driving/everyday living needs on a daily basis. Seeing them with no one close and no resources while facing old age has reminded me of the benefits of a big family, and has made me grateful that my grandpa’s branch of the family is able to take them in and meet their physical needs.
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haha, very very true! My parents are great examples of that, and for the most part, I don’t tend to get offended by much of anything that people say to me. (Other than #1, which was actually what my dad said to me. har har.) I can see how it’d be a decision jointly made with a partner–my hope is that I find someone awesome who wants the same things I do (which in this case, would be…hanging out with me and not expecting me to pop out any children at some point down the line). I definitely think it’s a really important point to discuss, since having similar goals in a relationship/marriage definitely plays a big part in it!
I can definitely see how that would make it a lot tougher–I have a pretty small family, but we have a huge network of family friends (our parents were all friends, and the kids all grew up together), so it was like having a giant family. :] I can’t personally justify having kids so that they’ll take care of me when I’m older though–I’ll just have to keep working on staying as healthy as possible! :x
I always say never say never, but I also respect people’s decisions to live the life that they do. I agree with you–it is far worse to bring an unwanted child into this world.
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Yes indeed! I try not to say I’ll never want kids, because I honestly have no way of knowing that for sure, but at present (and for basically my whole life), I’ve never felt any sort of desire to have em’. I’ve stayed pretty consistent in my other convictions, so I like to think this one will be the same! :P
As you know we have just one 12 year old daughter, but what we got a lot of was when are you having more?? Cause somehow one wasn’t enough. Our response was always when you pay us to have one. lol It bugged me so much. It’s finally stopped now that our daughter is older.
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hahaha, I love your response! I haven’t been asked too often about when I’m going to pop one out since I’m single, but when people ask if I plan to have kids, I usually tell them there’s a 0.01% chance that I’ll consider it…if I can find a surrogate mother, or if they find a way to grow one in a petri dish. >_>
Someone actually said the first one? That you’re wasting your life as a female? I’ve never heard that one but most of the others ring true. Childless by choice and happy to say so. As I get closer to 40 though the one about being young and changing my mind has stopped. :)
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Yuuppp! That was actually what my dad told me. (My parents are somewhat devastated that they’re not all that likely to get any grandkids from me.) I’m glad people have stopped telling you you’ll change your mind! ;P
I have one son, love of my life.. cant imagine my life without him. Your choice is cool with me…I respect it. Its your choice your genes don’t get passed on, but your projects, compassion or work should get passed on. I expect great things from you…nothing less ;)
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Aww, thank you, Autumn! <3 I love seeing mothers who take care of their child(ren), so major props to you! (I've been seeing a tonnn of the opposite lately, and it's been really disheartening. :[ )
I'm actually slightly curious to see if I could pass my perfect pitch down to my hypothetical child, but that really isn't a legit reason to have a kid, hahaha. :P I definitely hope to [positively] affect a bunch of lives in the work that I do! <3
Everyone has to make their own decisions! If someone doesn’t respect that– it’s their problem!
Julie @ Running in a Skirt recently posted…Memorial Day Weekend In Pittsburgh
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Agreed! For the most part, I’ve learned to just ignore! :P
Society kills me! Especially the Southern Society! One of the RUDEST questions out there is: “so, when are you going to pop out a little one?” or “Your next! Ya’ll better get started!” WTF? In my head I reply: “Let me just tell my uterus to shake the endometriosis and my ovaries to stop growing softball-sized tumors and I’ll get right on that!!” On the outside I just laugh and say, “When the good Lord’s willing.” One day the right person is going to get an ear-full! STOP ASKING PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE KIDS! It’s none of your business!
Ok, off that soapbox! I commend you. Though I am new to your blog I see you have a very, very important career and God only knows the lives you will save because of your choice.
Lastly, as a MD don’t forget to love your RD ; )
-@DietitianCindy
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Ohhh goodness, I feel ya! (Is Kentucky considered part of the south? Because I’ve definitely heard that a lot around here too. We had a 20-year-old patient come in the other day and she is on her 4th child. o_o The thought of applying that to my life sends chills down my spine.)
I love your in-your-head reply! <3 I don't understand how so many people feel that it's their business!
Thanks so much, Cindy! <3! I definitely won't forget it! I find nutrition to be supersuper interesting, but we got all of about 2 (maybe 3?) lectures on it in medical school, so there's a whole entire world out there that I don't know, so who better to consult!? :D!
I think this is a topic that, like what other people eat, the majority of other people need to mind their own beeswax on! It’s strange but personally, I have felt judged for expressing the opposite out loud (that even though I made it through law school and am proud of it, I want one day to meet the right person and have a family and that is equally important to me) because then people will tell me that’s a waste of a law school education! And I’m like, if I teach my kids how to be ethical human beings one day and they contribute something to the world, I don’t see that as a waste. Plus nobody would ever say that to a guy!
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I can definitely see the opposite happening too–several of my classmates are in the same boat, and it’s sad how so many people feel that it’s their business too. It’ll be difficult to balance both, but it’s certainly possible, and if it’s something that’s important to you, you’ll find a way to make it happen! That definitely wouldn’t be a waste!
(Yeahhh, the fact that no one would ever say this to a guy pisses me off. I didn’t even get to that in this post, hahaha. :P )
I struggle daily with the decision about whether or not my husband will have children. I just can’t seem them fitting into my life or my goals but, on the flip side, I feel like it’s something I want to share with my husband. I am 32 and I know my clock is ticking but I want to decide on my own time and don’t appreciate all the pressure from his family members and others that think just because we’re married, we should be having kids! Kudos to you for writing this post! I loved it!
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I very much get where you’re coming from in terms of them fitting into your life and goals (that’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I don’t want them!). For me, they’d more likely be impeding on everything I want to do with my life, and that would not be fair to them at all.
I’m sorry that you’re getting so much pressure from others! That’s definitely difficult to deal with, but I wish you the best in deciding on your own time! <3
Oh my goodness amen to every single word of this! Truthfully right now I’m on the fence about wanting kids. But I feel ashamed to say that because it’s met with all those reactions. People pity your or make you feel terrible about yourself. Children are wonderful but they aren’t for everyone. I think you can live a perfectly happy, fufilled life without having children.
And like you said, when people say these things you don’t know that persons situation. Maybe they can’t have kids and you are saying things very hurtful to them.
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Nooo! :[ I’m sorry you’re dealing with those reactions/comments too. I am on a total soapbox for this topic, so pleaseplease don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself for this! At the end of the day, the decision should be yours (seeing as how it’s your uterus and not theirs!).
Talk is easy, but there is so much that goes into raising a child–they can definitely be wonderful, but I honestly think it’s completely and entirely possible to have a super happy, fulfilling + rewarding life without them.
Wow. People really need to mind their own business. Having children is a very personal choice, and not one to be taken lightly. I’m glad you know what you want and don’t want.
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Agreed! I’m not really sure why they feel that it’s their business whether or not I want to grow something in my uterus, but I guess that’s just how some people are! :/
I’m so thankful for this post! Growing up, I always assumed I’d want kids, but now that I’m starting to get closer to that age, I’m not really sure. It’s actually been bugging me a bit that I’ve been thinking that maybe I don’t want kids because I know it will upset my Mom and future in-laws, but I certainly can’t have children just because they want grandchildren, right? Idk… maybe once I’m married and everything I’ll get the baby bug and change my mind, but right now I’m not so sure.
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hehehe, it’s definitely a tough decision! My parents are definitely really upset about it and hoping that I’ll change my mind. (sigh.) I have no in-laws to worry about as of yet, but here’s to hoping they won’t forbid their son from marrying me just because I don’t want kids(?!). ;_;
Having kids just so they can have grandchildren definitely is not a good way to go! It’s easy for others to tell you to have kids, but at the end of the day, that decision shouldn’t be theirs to make–it’s your life, and you’d be the one taking care of em’!
I hate how condescending and rude people can be when you admit you don’t want kids. The biggest one for me is “You’re young, you’ll change your mind.” Yes, please continue telling me how I think. I would lose it if someone said something about my one purpose as female – my feminist side would be rearing at that comment.
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Exactly! It rubs me the wrong way when people assume things about my life when it’s absolutely none of my business. I was pretty livid at that first comment, but since my dad is the one who said it to me, I stayed civil. :x
Rock on girl! LOL Many years ago I wanted 6 kids…that was until I worked in a day care ha ha
When I met Kev, he came with kids and so I have stepkids and grandkids and absolutely love it BUT we chose to never have any of our own. I really don’t care what people think or say, I have heard some of the above. Rude people.
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hahaha, working in day care would definitely do it! :P I’ve definitely had my fair share of taking-care-of-kids experiences in the past, and while they’re super fun to be around, I like that I can choose when it is that I hang out with them. Not so for if I were to have my own kids, so…no thank you!
I don’t put much stock into what other people say about this topic either, because it’s really none of their business what I choose to do with my life. They can definitely be rude though!
Great post!
I actually don’t see myself every having kids either, well unless I marry someone who already has them.
I haven’t ever said I will never have them, I’ve learned long ago never to say never. Because the minute I say never, fate happens and it happens. But I just don’t see it happening in my life, and I am completely okay with that.
Possibly if I married younger I would have definitely gone the kids route, if I can have them. But although I know kids can bring a lot of joy, I don’t think anyone should ever tell anyone that they are the only way for a woman to be truly happy.
Imagine how that would make the women feel who can’t have kids, that is horrible for anyone to say.
I am an aunt to 9 of the greatest kids on earth, and if that is all I can ever claim is that aunt title. Then that is fine by me.
I don’t think having kids or not having them defines anyone. I think our actions in life, how we treat others is what defines us.
On the topic, but off the topic. Because I am still single I get the similar comments, on how depressing my life must be, or how sad I must be that I am still single. I just laugh, I have an amazing life, and I have done and seen things that I never would have been able to if married. I’d take single with no kids any day over setting or marrying someone just to marry. How awful would it be to be in a bad relationship, no thank you. I will take my own life, and make my own happiness how I want. If marriage and kids happen, then great. If not, then great too:)
Great post! So many people don’t realize their comments and how horrible they really sound when they say them!
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Agreed on never saying never, because I feel like that’d invoke the cosmic forces to play a joke just to mess with me, haha. I definitely don’t see it happening in my life either. I’d be super happy being the aunt as well, and I’m definitely with you in the fact that it’s our actions and how we treat others that really define us.
I would most definitely take being single with no kids over settling/marrying someone just so I could be married. I’d be way, way happier on my own, and definitely don’t want anything to do with a horrible relationship ever again. (I’ll take my spinster status over that any day, thank you very much! :O )
I think a lot of people don’t really think about what they say and how it might sound/come across before they say em’!
Oh Farrah I get these and so many more. There have been relationships with great guys ruined over this for me. i don’t want children. I’ve experienced unconditional love for someone already and let me tell you it’s not all its cracked up to be when that person doesn’t have your well being as a top priority. I think children are great and used to think I’d want 3-4 but as I get older I realize that having or not having children is not going to define my life, and I do agree pets are where it’s at :)
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I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with this (+ more), and that sucks that relationships got ruined because of that! :/ I haven’t been in a serious/long-term enough relationship where this was very seriously discussed, so I honestly don’t know how I’d even go about approaching it, but I think I’m likely just going to have to make this known early on so that if that’s something they’re looking for, they’ll know it’s not going to happen with me. >_>
Yeahhh pets! <3 I would so rather have a whole mess of pets than a kid! :]!
I have two kids and hope to have one or two more, so I can’t exactly relate to this, but I am, for some reason, consistently surprised by the gall of people to comment on the personal choices of others. You’d think it wouldn’t be appalling anymore, but it still is to me. I do have to say, though, that the comment about meeting the right person is often true. Not that it will be in your case, and not that someone saying it has anyway of knowing, but I know several women who swore they wouldn’t have kids, but ended up changing their minds later in life when they were settled in a career and in a relationship. Regardless, it’s your decision and you shouldn’t have to answer for it.
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I’m definitely surprised at the things people will say about others’ personal choices as well! I’m all for the “live and let live” philosophy, and what works for my life definitely may not work for someone else’s.
I can see how minds can change once someone’s settled in a career + relationship, and can’t definitively rule out the fact that that might happen for me, but at present, my thought process is so against having kids that to have it do a 180 on me is something I really can’t fathom. (My current rotation probably isn’t helping! :P )
I understand what you mean. I believe all this is really offensive especially the first one. I believe times have changed since back then so not wanting kids is a big culture shock for those who are much older where it was like predictable to have kids and stay at home. I think women now have changed and evolved. We don’t want to stay at home and watch kids or cook dinner for our husbands. I don’t think anything is wrong with not wanting kids. Another one I hear is women have expiration date so you should have a child sooner. Who know what’s the future holds but I am with you I don’t want a child now or any time soon.
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Ughhh, the expiration date one. I’ve definitely heard that too! (It makes me feel like I’m some kind of fruit or vegetable hanging out at the grocery store, or in someone’s fridge. >_> ) Times have definitely changed, and I’d really like to have the chance to live my life on my own terms! :]
I hate kids…I do NOT want kids! Haha!
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haha, I’m okay with pleasant, well-behaved children, but…still doesn’t mean I want any of my own! :O
Great post! If we could all just respect each others decisions and ways of life the world would be a kinder place! I’m 36 and single and would love to have children but just have not found the right person. It’s a sensitive issue to me so when people tell me that their life is now complete and it had no meaning before having children it makes me feel really bad about my situation! However no matter what boat you’re in you can’t let the comments of others ruin your day :)
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Ack! :[ I’m sorry to hear that! I really think more people need to learn to think before they speak, because their “well-meaning” comments can come off as extremely inconsiderate. :[ I can relate to you at least on the not having found the right person part, but here’s to hoping that someone super amazing comes along! :]!
I can’t believe someone told you that childbirth was your purpose in life! How small minded! It’s your body and no one can tell you what to do with it! At the moment I don’t really want children either, but I don’t know how I’d feel about it in the future. Regardless, it’s no one’s business what I decide to do with my life!
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It was pretty disheartening to hear that one! (I was honestly a little appalled, because…that first comment was actually made by my dad, hahaha.) Definitely not anyone else’s business though! It’s my uterus! :O
Personally, I do plan on having children in the future, but I firmly stand by the fact that you should support other peoples views and opinions even if they are different than yours. While yes your plans could change down the road, people shouldn’t be telling you, “Oh, you can adopt” or the other things you mentioned. I’m only 19 and just finished up my first year of undergrad, but the number of people that have told me, “I hope you aren’t paying this much to get a degree and then end up being a stay at home mom” has amazed me. In the end, it’s your life and your choice.
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Ugh, I’ve definitely heard people say things like that to my classmates.:[ I’m with you on supporting others’ opinions even if they happen to differ–we’re not all the same person, so it should stand to reason that different life choices work for different people!
great post! It is a personal decision and one that only you can make. I applaud you for taking a strong stand. I have 2 children and the first one was a birth control pill baby and he changed my whole world. At that point I had to decide that was God’s plan for me and I rolled with it. I know you are studying to be a great doctor and I know you are learning that people say the damnest things and the best part Doc is that you will hear more. I hope you are having a great week!
Mary Beth Jackson recently posted…Gadgets & Apps are my friends!
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Oh, whew! That definitely would have been an unexpected surprise! We had a patient who had a tubal ligation 3 years ago, but apparently it failed…twice…so she’s definitely had to roll with it as well.
Thanks! I really hope I will be! :] People definitely say all kinds of crazy things, but I suppose that makes for fun stories later on! :P Hope you’re having a great week as well!
I always assumed I’d end up having (and wanting!) kids, but now? I’m not sure. Even when I was married it was something we were never really sure of, and now that I’m not, well, a cat is good enough for me :)
Ange @ Cowgirl Runs recently posted…40 Years
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haha, I’d definitely rather have my cat than a kid! :D! I kept being told that maybe my mind would change while I was on this rotation (OB/GYN), but…yeah no. This rotation is pretty much the best birth control known to humankind (at least for me)! :P
Haha omg Farrah I love you! This is 100% true and so how I feel on pretty much all levels. Except I would add true joy is me jumping over fire and being badass. ;-) but really you hit the nail on the head here. Excellent post!!
Montana @ Pretty Lil Mudder recently posted…Skirt Sports 13er Giveaway and #RealWomenMove
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Ah, how could I have forgotten that one!? Being a badass would be true joy for me as well! :D! If I had any jumping-over-fire experience, I’d totally have that on my list as well! ;P
I agree with you 100%! I’ve never felt the urge or desire to have kids, but when I was younger, I thought I’d eventually want them…nope…never have. And…no, I don’t hate kids, I just don’t want any of my own! I love my space, being to sleep all night long, traveling, indulging in my hobbies, and pasttimes, etc. I HATE it when people say it’s selfish if you don’t want to have kids…why? Because I happen to know what I want and don’t want? Ugh…I used to just keep it to myself since it’s no one’s business and I didn’t want to deal with other people’s stupidity, but now, if asked (which isn’t often since I just turned 40!), I proudly say that I don’t plan on having any! :) Good for you for posting this and live your life according to your rules!! :)
Vicky @ randomlittlefaves.com recently posted…Reader Survey & a Blog ‘Vacation’!
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Thanks, Vicky! :] I also thought for a while that maybe I just hadn’t hit that phase/time in my life where I’d want them, but forserious, the level of repulsion I have felt and still very much feel (more so than ever ._. ) when I think about myself having kids in my life…just…no. I want to be able to live my own life.
I don’t understand why people think that’s selfish. Would it not be infinitely worse to have a kid just because “it was what I was supposed to do” and then hate my life + resent the kid forever?
Yes, yes, and thrice yes! I’ve complained about this too…only about every.day! I’m 26 so obviously I’m just ready and willing to have children. I don’t want kids. I just don’t. I don’t think I’d be good with them. I never even babysat for money as a teenager. I don’t mind kids, especially well behaved ones, but that doesn’t mean I need to make them to enjoy them. We have two dogs and are thinking of fostering more, there’s plenty of mess, food, and love to go around.
Valerie @ Indecisively Restless recently posted…Old MacDonald Had a Farm
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I’m 27, so I’m right there with ya! :P I can be good with kids, but…only if I’m hanging out with them by choice.
I used to volunteer at a children’s hospital, science camp counselor, VBS counselor, worked as a tutor, a piano teacher (etc., etc., etc.)…but the great thing about that was…at the end of the day, I was not solely responsible for them, and could give em’ back to someone! :D I definitely don’t think I’d do well if I were stuck with a kid 24/7. x_x
Ahhhh this is so me! I don’t think I want them either (I’m 27, have been married for 2 years, and have worked with children/teens my whole life) and I get all the responses you do. I work in a health education job and teach lots of lessons on birth control/pregnancy and me and all my coworkers ironically don’t want kids ever haha. It’s honestly a woman’s personal choice and no one else should have anything to say about it! I hate that people have to say something about this to me just because I’m married – like it’s the only logical next step in my life! I love my life right now and don’t feel the need to make a huge life change like that. Congrats on making an educated, well thought out decision and for being brave enough to stick to it through all the responses.
Kristen recently posted…Visiting Fairbanks
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Right there with ya! (On the 27-year-old part. Not so much on the married part, hehe.) I can definitely see how working in teaching lessons on birth control/pregnancy could make you not want kids! (This rotation was probably the best form of birth control known to humankind for me! :O )
Thank you! I hate when people make those types of assumptions on what you should and shouldn’t do with your life too!
It frustrates me when people respond in those sorts of ways (especially the first one). I’m all for “agreeing to disagree” – it’s so surprising to me when adults who seem mature will react so subjectively to you saying that you don’t want children, thinking that you should have the same mindset they do. SO WHAT IF YOU DON’T, it’s not their business, and they can still think whatever they want to think! I would like to have children, but can respect that you don’t want to – like Suz said, much better than bringing an unwanted child into the world!
Jess @hellotofit recently posted…Put together a trail mix with Blue Diamond dark chocolate almonds
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For serious! They can think whatever they want, but at the end of the day, it’s my life, so I suppose I can do with it what I intend to do! There are way too many unwanted children in this world already! :[
Amen sister! I have heard so many negative things from people who believe their opinions matter in my life. I just want to scream “are you going to pay for said children? how about raise them or better care for them when they are ill?” It is beyond my comprehension as to why anyone would care about my choices as an adult woman.
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hahaha, exactly! These days, when they ask when I plan to have kids, I usually just respond, “If you find me someone to birth them and take care of them for me.” :]