Jun 02

Why I Don’t Want Kids

A very belated thank you to everyone for being so supportive on my last confession elaboration! I’m sharing another one today (this time, it’s on confession #8), and it branches off my post last week on the things I’ve been told for not wanting kids! I realize I don’t actually need to explain myself, but it’s actually rather timely because I just finished my OB/GYN rotation last week! >_>

This post may or may not sound really unintentionally insulting, so please realize that in this whole diatribe, I’m talking about this topic in relation to me.

Different strokes for different folks. We can agree to disagree (if we do), right?

Why I Don't Want Kids

I’ve heard people who are super into OB talking about babies and the ~*miracle of life*~ and while yes, I agree that it’s amazing that so many billions of things could go wrong at any given step of the process, and somehow usually they don’t…

That’s really where the amazement ends for me.

My second-biggest challenge on my OB rotation was…staring at the bloody, slippery mess and what looks like alien jelly (hello, placenta) whilst trying desperately to maintain a passable poker face so my preceptor won’t think I’m a soulless wretch.

“Beautiful” was the last word that came to mind whilst assisting with deliveries on my OB rotation.

I have never felt that “maternal urge” to want to have or raise kids. If I at one point had a biological clock, there’s a very real chance that it could be broken (or that I threw it out).

I’ve talked about the things I’ve been told when people found out that I didn’t want kids. The nicer comments usually come from my friends in the form of, “Aww, that’s such a shame! You’d make such a great parent!”

Which is really flattering, but I don’t think I would be, and this is one of those things that I’d much rather sit out on.

Why I Don’t Want Kids (& Why That’s #NoneofYourBusiness) #stopjudging

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Have I ever told you about how terrifying I find childbirth to be?

Unless you find me a surrogate to birth the kid for me (or if I could perhaps grow one in a petri dish), there mighttt be a 0.001% chance that I’d consider it. But I want absolutely nothing to do with childbirth.

Sometimes, upon hearing this reasoning, people like to tell me it’s not that bad and “it’s just something you [have to] go through in life.”

Uhhh, no, not really. Childbirth is not something that everyone has to experience.

My time would be better spent focused on other things, and I also have a lot of debt to pay off.

~$316k and 21 years of my life are being thrown into school and living expenses so that I can work a job that I love. Said job involves taking care of other people, and that takes up a lot of time. I wouldn’t want to pass my hypothetical kid off to strangers to raise or force my parents to look after said imaginary child. Taking care of patients is what I actually want to do with my life, whereas raising kids…is not.

Since I’m spending over a quarter of a million dollars on my education, it’d be nice if I could actually focus on being amazing at that. Do you really think it wise to add kids to the mess?

While I don’t require much money to live, I do want to someday be out of debt. I’d also love to own a house someday with an awesome kitchen + a dance studio.

Plus, while I’m completely okay with roughin’ it and pinching pennies like nobody’s business on my own, I wouldn’t be able to justify that if I had kids, because I’d want to give them the best that I could give.

I’d also love, love, love to have a life someday. So howww about no.

It is my belief that as human beings, we’ve already trashed the planet enough. :[

I think the world already has enough inhabitants (…and now we’re moving on to Mars, because why not), and the world already has too many unwanted children. I’d like to not add to that if I don’t have to.

I’d much rather live my life with just me and potential-future-spouse.

Assuming that I one day find someone that I think is awesome enough for me to want to spend my life with him (and vice versa), I would much, much rather spend my time hanging out with him.

Once you have kids, your life together changes to being all about the kids. Yes, I know you can have date nights and other couples can and have been making that work for ages, but I don’t have that much free time to go around, and really, I’d rather just get to hang out with him.

This usually leads to the following question: “But what if your dream guy wants kids?”/”Well, you better be ready for him to leave you then.”

…seriously? (This reaction is more for the latter statement.)

If he is truly my dream dude, he won’t want kids either. >_>

And if someone’s going to leave me because I don’t want children, obviously the communication was not very strong in that relationship, and we both dodged a bullet on that one.

I’d also honestly much rather adopt a bunch of pets.

Because what cat lady is complete without those? <3 One of my dreams has always been to open a no-kill shelter (or fund one), so I’d like to keep on focusing on turning my dreams into reality.

Are these reasons “selfish?” Perhaps, to the general population.

But I’m totally fine with being considered that if “selfish” means I want to live my life the way I’d like to live it, to do the things I enjoy, to spend time with the people I love. I see no fault in wanting to be able to focus my time on the things and the people that I find most important to me (aka my family, friends, loved ones, and future patients).

Permanent link to this article: https://www.fairyburger.com/why-i-dont-want-kids/

52 comments

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  1. great post!! Proud of you and your honesty!! <3
    Diana recently posted…Tuesday (Random) Thoughts 6.2.15My Profile

    1. Thanks, Diana! :]!

  2. Once again, from me, you get a round of applause. And I don’t think you were insulting at all, I think you put the entire article quite nicely. I especially liked this quote: ” If I at one point had a biological clock, there’s a very real chance that it could be broken (or that I threw it out).” I might start using that myself! Hahaha! It cracks me up. I can relate. My clock is just not there. I don’t even have a biological watch when it comes to kids, let alone a clock.

    1. I was a little concerned about my description of my thoughts on deliveries and slimy babies/placentas, har har. I honestly felt a little soul-less on my rotation because I was so unmoved, hahaha.

      Hooray for absent biological timepieces! ;P I’m pretty happy about not having one!

  3. Well, I guess we will have to agree to disagree…because I love children! I have 5, and actually had my last one at home in my living room (on purpose, and I even blogged about it, lol). I am one of those weirdos that does actually like childbirth. So, yes, your reasoning makes no sense to me, but I’m sure mine makes no sense to you. Carry on and live your life :-) And kudos to knowing what you want.
    Miranda recently posted…Why Children Need AnimalsMy Profile

    1. hahaha, yes indeed! I have a friend who just gave birth to her seventh child, and she tries to have most of her kids at home too! She loves kids, and said the very same thing to me! :P Major props to the both of you for being such troopers–childbirth is definitely something I’d like to never experience!

  4. This pretty much sums up my feelings about kids. I don’t know if things will magically change given I am married and more settled but like you said, j don’t have that Maternal lnintinct either. I’m so glad I’m not alone in this
    Dixya@food,pleasure, and health recently posted…Masala Papad with Black Bean SaladMy Profile

    1. I’m glad I’m not alone too! I kinda thought maybe I’d magically gain that when I saw babies being born and mothers being all happy and such, but…yeah, didn’t change a thing. If anything, I may have been steered even further away. :x

  5. NOT SELFISH AT ALL.
    to each her own!!! and youve shared on such a hard topic in a real raw and impressive way.
    xo
    CARLA recently posted…I love my MIRA Fitness Tracker.My Profile

    1. Thanks so much, Carla! <3

  6. A brave post, and I echo Carla–in this case, selfishness is about being unselfish. It would be far worse to bring a child into the world that you didn’t wholeheartedly want!
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Fueling Up : Eating During Marathon TrainingMy Profile

    1. Agreed! I’m sure living my life the way I’d like to can sound selfish, but it’d be far worse to bring an unwanted child into the world–there are already far too many of those! :[

  7. LOVE this! I could’ve written this (well, except the part about the placenta…never seen one of those and hope I never will, lol). I completely agree with this and used to joke that my biological clock was lost at the factory, lol. I also have NO desire to ever experience childbirth…I’m amazed that people go for a 2nd (and 3rd!) time after the first experience, lol. I’ve had friends tell all about it and yeah..no thanks. Every time I hang out with my friends with kids, they spend the entire time b*thching about it and then follow up with a sentence at the end like ‘oh, but it’s all worth it’ (#notbuyingit!). Anyway..stick to your guns and stand proud…you are NOT alone in feeling this way :).
    Vicky recently posted…Why Your Blog NEEDS a Mission StatementMy Profile

    1. hahaha, I hope you never have to see a placenta either. ;_; My preceptor said that it usually causes first-time mothers to pass out when they see it. (He refers to it as “the ugly twin,” which I found rather hilarious.)

      hahaha, I’m definitely not buying it either. I’m sure there are definitely rewarding aspects to it, but on the whole, the whole cost-benefit ratio would notttt balance out and be worth it (at least not in my life)!

  8. Thank you for your honesty. I hold a lot of these same feelings. Once my husband and I got married (and even before then) there was a lot of pressure on us to have a baby. We went through that whole “trying” period and I’m honestly relieved that nothing came out of it. I enjoy our lives as they are right now. I’m working on a career, my passions and there’s just no room for a child in our lives. It’s not selfish. It’s a smart decision to not bring a child into this world if you’re not 100% sure you’re ready for one. Bravo for knowing what you want in life!
    Jessica H. recently posted…She’s Kind of an ArtistMy Profile

    1. Thanks, + very much agreed! <3 My preceptor for pediatrics actually went through a "trying" period for a time because they thought that was just what was expected of them, and said he's glad nothing came out of it either! :O

  9. I love this post!! I have always been on the ‘no kid bandwagon’ but I’m getting slight baby fever. Two things are hiding me back. 1. I am absolutely terrified of being pregnant and childbirth. 2. I am so scared that the baby will come out and I will be horrified by how ugly IT is.

    1. I…wish I could say something comforting about #1, but sadly I cannot, because I share the same fears and my OB/GYN rotation last month only served to worsen them.

      With #2, they usually clean the baby up after the delivery before giving him/her to you (unless you want to see your baby before then), so s/he shouldn’t look tooooo frightening!

  10. It’s definitely expected for us women to want children and it’s great that you’re saying out loud that it’s not what you want with your life. I know I want children at some point but I hope I won’t get any questions about why I’m not pregnant yet after I get married. I feel like wanting to become a mother (or a father) is a very personal decision that doesn’t need to be shared.
    Émilie recently posted…Worth The Splurge?My Profile

    1. I hope you don’t get that sort of questioning either! I’ve never understood why others think it’s any of their business. It’s your family (and your uterus! :P ), not theirs!

  11. I think it’s awesome that you are happy with your choice and know what you want. Kids are a lot of work and if you aren’t into it, it feels like the worst job ever. Heck, I adore my kids, and I still have days where it’s the worst job ever. Luckily that’s not every day. ;o)

    Don’t let other people’s opinions bother you. Kid or no kids is a totally personal decision and no one but you can decide what works for you.
    MCM Mama recently posted…National Running Day!My Profile

    1. haha, I’m glad it’s not every day! Kids are awesome, but also such a handful! You’d likely have to be not-human to not have at least a couple days where it felt like the worst job ever!

  12. Thank you for your honesty. I wanted children, but didn’t have them. You will not believe the weird blank stares I get from people and the insensitive comments. Everything is not for everybody. We shouldn’t judge.
    Barbara recently posted…Essential Oils-Part 3My Profile

    1. I’m sorry about the rude comments you get! People can definitely be appallingly insensitive. :[

  13. I don’t regret having children because they’re amazing little people and I love them to death. BUT — I agree with you 100%. Kids are a life changer and if you’re not ready for them or don’t want them, don’t do it. I love my husband so much and we never spend time together anymore. Kids are a huge pain in the ass. I sound like the world’s worst mother haha! But it’s true! I love them and I’m glad they’re here but life is much MUCH different now.
    Rachel recently posted…National Running DayMy Profile

    1. hahaha, you do not sound like the world’s worst mother at all–you’re just being a real person! Kids can’t be angelic 100% of the time, and I highly, highly doubt it’s possible for anyone to maintain patience through all the crazy things that can and often do happen!

  14. Good for you for getting it out there how you honestly feel. I despise people that judge (is that judging?! LOL). It is your life, and your life alone, and you choose how you want to live it!!
    Dana @ Pellerini Proclaims recently posted…Review Time! Prestige Total Intensity MakeupMy Profile

    1. hahaha, I despise people who judge too, so I’d be right there with you if that’s judging! :x

  15. SO MUCH YES to this post. I have many of the same reasons as you for not wanting kids. Sometimes I feel guilty or selfish about it, but then I remind myself I only have this one life to live so why do something that my heart isn’t in? I just don’t think I could handle the responsibility of influencing a little human from the moment they are born and having to deal with all the bad things they might pick up from me. And I could never live with myself if I passed down my mental illnesses to a helpless child. Also, I feel the same way about finding a partner. If I am lucky enough to find someone who loves me for me, I wouldn’t want that relationship to get complicated by children. And same thoughts on the money situation! I want to be able to do all the things I want to do in life and financially children are a big hinderance to that!

    1. Not gonna lie, I felt a little soulless on my last rotation (no one really made me feel that way, but I did briefly wonder if something was wrong with me). But…I don’t believe in committing to something if, like you said, my heart wasn’t at all into it, and kids are quite possibly one of the biggest commitments anyone could ever commit to. o_o

      Yay for getting to hang out with future-significant-other + enjoying/living life! :D!

  16. I always find it interesting when people say your dream guy is gonna want kids – like you said he won’t be my dream guy if he did. Great post!! It’s always nice to met people who don’t want children and don’t want them for well thought out reasons!!

    1. Thanks, Angela! And seriously! They must have missed the part on this hypothetical dude being my dream guy, haha. :P

  17. I LOVED THIS POST. I don’t want kids either and every time I tell someone that I hear “oh, you’ll change your mind” or “but, you’re a woman, you aren’t doing your duty blah blah”. This was very refreshing to read, since we have the same feelings!
    Miranda O’Brien recently posted…June GoalsMy Profile

    1. Thanks, Miranda! I was feeling rather alone in this thought process, but it’s nice to know that I’m not! I get the “you aren’t doing your duty as a woman” thing too, and my only response to that is an inward, “I could sock you in the face, but I’ll be the bigger person and will refrain from doing so.” hehhh.

  18. God I love you Farrah. Seriously, you’re like an extension of me. I have so many things I’d rather devote my time to! Like traveling and obstacle racing in my life, but pretty much everything else is spot on. I’d much rather have a bunch of cats too because they don’t require as much attention. And I agree- there are plenty of people in the world who don’t want children, and you’ll find someone who matches you on that someday. Maybe a fellow doctor? ;-)
    Montana Ross recently posted…Happy National Running Day!My Profile

    1. Ah, exactly! I want to travel all over the place, and someday (I sincerely hope), I want to do an obstacle course race! *-* I adore my cat and my foster kitty, and I’m sure part of that is because they don’t require my attention 24/7.

      haha, I hope I do! I’m not sure whether I want to be with a fellow doctor or not(?)–I’ve had discussions with my friends on this and we’ve had some pro/con lists going, haha. None of us have reached a conclusion of any sort though. I guess whatever’s meant to happen will happen! :P

  19. Hahahaha this is hilarious! I’ve never understood people who pass judgement on others simply because it’s not a lifestyle that they would choose. If you’re not hurting yourself or others, then what’s the freakin’ problem? I don’t get it. You just carry on, girl! xo
    Erica recently posted…Tantalizing Tuesdays: Berry Parfaits with Gluten Free GranolaMy Profile

    1. Thanks, Erica! <3 That's something I'm never going to understand either, but...to each their own, I guess!

  20. I hope all your wishes come true. I hope you get the debt paid off, awesome kitchen, dance studio and the pet shelter too! And I hope you invite me over, you place sounds amazing!
    Autumn recently posted…Fresh Peach SalsaMy Profile

    1. Aww, Autumn! You’re so sweet! Thanks for makin’ my day! <3 I would definitely invite you over! I hope this all gets to happen too! :D It'd be so awesome! :]

  21. I do not want kids AT ALL. AT ALL I TELL YOU. Kids will always make me cringe and I do not think babies are cute. My sister is due in like 10 days and she knows that I am not going to be a good aunt because I just don’t… Nope. Can’t do it. HA HA HA AH! I have noooo maternal instincts, at all.
    GiGi Eats recently posted…A Tasty Recipe For Disaster!My Profile

    1. hahaha, I have zero maternal instincts too. :x I can be good with kids + babies when I have to be…but in small increments. But on the whole, kids (especially spoiled + bratty ones) make me cringe. :x

  22. I love your transparency. I see your point on so many of them. I wish my biological clock was broken instead of loudly clanging in my ear. It’s good to be reminded that the miracles aren’t always roses ;-),
    Angie recently posted…How To Successfully Brush Your Dog’s TeethMy Profile

    1. hahaha, awww. :P Kids are a ton of work, but I think for the right person, they can be super rewarding!

  23. You know, I never wanted kids. I was so set on not ever having babies. Except now I’m crazy baby hungry and want more. I have a bunch of friends that never want kids and I can totally see why … birth is scary and gross and crazy. I was in labor for 26 hours before they did a c-section and I was less afraid of a c-section than “normal” child birth.
    Heather @ The Nerdy Fox recently posted…Things I Love ThursdayMy Profile

    1. Ahhh! The very concept of labor is terrifying to me. :x I’d probably be less afraid of the c-section than the “normal” childbirth too!

  24. Love this! You do you and that’s all that matters! Believe it or not (and I think I said this before when you posted about it), even though I have kids and love them and all that jazz I agree with you on so many points. 1) Childbirth was NOT glamorous for me- both ended up being emergency c sections due to complications with my pregnancies 2) Kids are a lot of F’n work and the responsibility of raising them to be functioning humans is really stressful. :P
    Annmarie recently posted…eShakti Dress Review: Fashion You Can Customize With A Click!My Profile

    1. Indeed you did! And ahhh! I’m so glad everything turned out okay! Kids are indeed an effing ton of work, haha, but I’m glad there are people like you out there! <3 The world needs more awesome mothers like you!

  25. I think it’s nobody’s business but yours what you want to do with your life and your body. So, you go, girl, do what feels right to you and shrug off judgemental comments. However, I hope I still know you in ten years. I don’t say that you will change your mind, but I just want to know, if you do. I know a lot of people in their thirties who suddenly woke up one day and thought, I want a child! Right now! It’s like someone pushed a button inside that activiated BABY desire.
    Eva recently posted…Buckwheat CookiesMy Profile

    1. Agreed! I know I can’t predict the future, so maybe 10 years from now, I’ll magically change my mind! (That being said, I sincerely hope I don’t. There are so many things I’d rather spend my time on! :x )

  26. it’s YOUR body, YOUR life, and YOUR choice! kudos to you for sticking to your dreams and doing what aligns with your life goals xoxo <3
    Amber recently posted…Celiac Support SystemMy Profile

    1. Thanks, Amber! <3 Here's to hoping I can tackle em' all! :D

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