Letting Go of Past Grievances

Hello, and welcome to Medical Mondays! This week’s topic is less on the super nitty-gritty science, and more focused on what they (don’t ask me who “they” is) call “soft sciences.”

Just to preface, I’m currently rotating in an inpatient psych unit that mostly deals with drug/alcohol detox and suicidal ideations/attempts. I feel horrible for saying this, but if I were to be completely honest…I kinda hate it. I’d rather be in OB/GYN (this is saying a lot for me, because I want absolutely nothing to do with reproductive organs and childbirth).

I’ll go into more detail in my “Reflections on Psychiatry“ post somewhere in March/April (I’m grossly behind on those), but for now, let’s just go with the fact that I was so, so bored that I decided to sit in on an afternoon group therapy session with the patients last week, and found that infinitely more interesting/enjoyable than anything else I’d done in the week.

This works out well though, because I believe mental health is extremely important to your well-being, and if left untreated and/or overlooked, it can actually manifest into physical ailments, often referred to as somatic symptoms.

The subject they covered was…

Letting Go of Past Grievances

There were five steps covered in the session, and the last step covered 7 different exercises on letting go. The patients who went through the exercise and contributed were all super encouraging of each other’s thoughts and situations, which was really uplifting to see. I really enjoyed talking with them, and I wish the best for them in their recovery. <3

Although most of them are recovering from substance abuse of some kind, this can actually be applied to many, many areas in life. We’ll start from the beginning!

I’m fairly certain that most of us have, at the very least, one event/experience in their life that affected them in a negative manner: a friend’s betrayal, a failed relationship, losing someone you loved, being lied to or cheated on, hating yourself for decisions that you’ve made in the past…

Can you think of a person in your life that you feel like you need to forgive?

Is there something you’ve done to someone (or to yourself) that you feel like you need to forgive yourself for?

Step 1: Write down the name of the person whom you intend to forgive.

Step 2: Acknowledge the pain caused by the grievance.

Remember that the goal isn’t to just “forgive and forget.” You likely will not forget it, but the focus is on forgiving. If you can’t let go of something, you can’t move on with your life.

Describe the grievance and the circumstances behind it. How did you feel at the time? How do you feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually, when you think about the grievance today?

Step 3: Evaluate the gains and losses that come with forgiveness.

What would you gain if you were to forgive? What would you give up?

Step 4: Assess your attitudes & beliefs around forgiveness.

You may not be responsible for what happened, but you are responsible for your long-term attitude.”

If you forgive, it doesn’t mean that you’re…

• Condoning or absolving the hurtful behavior
• Forgetting
• Being a victim or losing power
• Surrendering your right to justice
• Required to reconcile with the offender
• Getting the other person to do something different
• Refusing to make amends

If you forgive, it means you’re…

• Recognizing that you have a choice about your perceptions and your thoughts
• Choosing peace of mind
• Freeing yourself from the past and choosing to live in the present
• Choosing empowerment over victim-hood

Step 5: Practice “Letting Go” exercises.

• Practice Empathy: Forgiveness is the recognition that people who harm others are expressing their own unresolved pain.
• Meditation/Prayer: Asking God or a higher power for help can be a shortcut in the forgiveness process.
• Visualization: Visualize the person you’ve decided to forgive. Imagine that an energy connects you. Affirm, “I am calling my energy back,” and visualize yourself unplugging that cord.
• Journal Writing: Writing in a journal can be a very therapeutic outlet for your thoughts. You can try expressing your feelings to the person you are forgiving (or asking to forgive) in the form of a letter, whether or not you choose to send it. You can also try writing a letter to yourself.Alternatively, you can write the letter and burn it, visualizing your negative feelings associated with that situation melting away with it.
• Affirmation: Write a daily affirmation that states your decision to forgive, let go, and move on.
• Monitor Your Thoughts: Listen to your inner self-talk to ensure that it reflects the true meaning of forgiveness. Ask yourself, “Would I rather be right? Or would I rather be happy?” Try to minimize the negative self-talk.
• Practice Patience: Remember that forgiveness is an ongoing process, and is rarely completed on the first attempt.Recognize that one slip-up does not mean that you’re doomed to forever be in the situation you’re in. If you fall, try your best to pick yourself up and try again. From each experience, you take away something new, and you can look into what you can work on to prevent it from happening again.

If you can’t relate to this, but know of a friend or someone in your life who’s going through a rough time, ask if they need to talk to someone, or if they just need someone to sit and listen.

Sometimes, what you consider to be a small gesture could mean the world to someone else. <3

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Disclaimer: The information in this post was gleaned from a group therapy session I sat in on during my psychiatry rotation. I am merely a medical student struggling through the world that is her clinical rotations, so the statements made on this blog should not be taken as medical advice to treat, cure or prevent any disease. Please contact your own physician or health care provider before starting a health or fitness/wellness program. (See full disclaimer here.)