This week’s [optional] theme for the Fit Dish link up (hosted by Jill Conyers @ JillConyers.com, & Jessica Joy @ TheFitSwitch.org) is…Fitness Non-Enthusiasts!
I recently-ish came across the realization that I don’t talk too much about my family here, so what better a time to start than now?! (It makes me a little sad that this is the post where I bring them up.)
You should see the stuff they’ve said to me before. D:
- My dad is an avid ping pong/table tennis enthusiast, and has all these “高手” (experts/masters) at the gym he goes to to teach him how to improve.
- My brother was a wrestler, and has always been freakishly lean despite a frighteningly terrible diet (sorry if you’re reading this, Sam, but you know it to be true!). We were actually supposed to do a Tough Mudder with his friends back in 2011, but I got accepted into grad school and had to back out of it. These days, he’s been super into MMA, so whenever I’m home, we do lots of garage workouts and living-room-remodeling so that we can avoid breaking all the furniture while rolling.
So really, by “fitness non-enthusiast,” I guess I actually only mean my mom. :[ She does not understand why I like lifting weights, why I’m interested in MMA/wanted to learn martial arts when I was little, and until last year, had never seen me dance* (unless you count the couple dance classes I took when I was 4-5 and then defected because I wanted to be a boy).
*No, she doesn’t know that I am/was a recreational pole dancer. This would be horrible on about a billion levels. Everyone at Twirly Girls is well aware of this, so I am always “at yoga.” She does know about the hula/Tahitian dancing though!
When I was doing gymnastics in high school, I would invariably get told about a kid who’d attempted a flip and ended up paralyzed forever…and it would always be the day before I had a meet. (She works at a children’s hospital.)
I love my mom dearly, but as you may have guessed, there are a lot of things we don’t agree on.
A couple weeks ago, I actually had an extremely upsetting (to me) conversation with her. These lectures come like clockwork and I usually try to avoid them, because her idea of my success means to “stop wasting my time exercising and cooking food” and to give up all my interests (so I can just spend it studying and living/breathing all things med school, with some sleep scattered in between).
(For the record, the part about shooting myself was all sarcasm. I was in a terrible mood. There’s a lot of stuff I’d like to do with my life, and if at all possible, I’d like to not get snuffed out so soon.)
I try to get where she’s coming from, because med school requires sacrifice. And yes, I’m all too aware of that. I rarely see my family or closest friends more than once a year and have missed countless birthdays, weddings, hospitalizations, and even a couple funerals. I’ve had would-be relationships fail because of it, and I feel guilty for every minute that I don’t spend studying.
The key is to find a balance. I actually tried what she suggested in grad school. It sucked butt, and the only reason it was bearable was really just because I had awesome friends in my class that I’d commiserate with.
She does her best to understand, tries to support me in my choices whenever possible, and always tries to have what she thinks are my best interests at heart, but fitness/healthy living is one realm where I’ve kinda accepted that she won’t truly understand my love for it.
This hasn’t exactly stopped me from trying to get her to like it though. :O Once upon a time, I managed to convince her to lift weights with me, and started her on the lightest ones possible, but she was so sore the next day that she never wanted to do it again. (Oops. ;_; )
Ever since that, I’ve switched gears and work with her interests. She likes walking and dancing, so we got her a Zumba kit, and whenever I’m home, we go to the park and walk around. :] When I went on a cruise with my family late last year, I taught super-informal dance classes to her and her friends, and also taught them how to strength-train. <3
For compromise to occur, you gotta meet somewhere in the middle!
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Aww, this is a powerful message, Farrah. And I both empathize with you and understand. My father has never been the greatest at accepting my nutritional advice for his diet and health. Then he got cancer this past year and his diet has been even harder to work with due to his limited ability to eat whole foods (he can only eat pureed and liquid foods currently). While I wish he’d take my advice and eat LOTS of green smoothies and other healthy concoctions I could easily whip up for him, the only things he wants are ice cream and gravy…It’s heartbreaking that he is so stubborn and I feel like I CAN help him but he won’t take my advice.
I do hope your mother learns that your passions are a huge part of who you are and they are important to your wellbeing. You are excellent at what you do (the fitness, the varied exercises, the nutrition, the blogging, the cooking) and don’t ever let that go to waste. I like the fact that you do find ways to connect with her in other ways–like walking with her. My dad and I’s relationship has improved gradually (slowly but surely) while he’s been battling his cancer and I think he’s starting to slowly listen to more of my advice. I try to always remember love and understanding will get you further than pushing someone over and over again.
Keep doing what you do, Farrah! Never lose that passion and your hobbies! You never know when your hobbies could even help you in your further career.
Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating recently posted…Hello Cocoa; A Sweet Giveaway
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Thanks, Kaylin! <3! I'm really sorry about your father, and have been keeping him in my thoughts! That definitely does make things harder--I definitely get where you're coming from in terms of knowing that you could help, but him not listening. :[ Would he eat healthy "ice cream" (e.g. frozen bananas in a food processor with peanut butter or whatever else flavor)? Or some kinda of healthified gravy on mashed sweet potatoes or something?
I hope my mom eventually understands too, and thank you so much! :] I doubt myself sometimes on my off days, so that's definitely awesome to hear! <3!!
I'm really glad that your relationship with your dad is improving and that he's starting to listen! My dad pointed out something several years ago (it was striking to me because my dad's a tad on the socially awkward side and usually doesn't make these types of observations, haha) and said that it seemed like it was always the crises that would bring our family closer (e.g. when my dad lost his job + when my mom had cancer). It's sad/weird that that it tends to happen that way, but in some respect, also a silver lining?
I'll definitely keep trying! I'm actually supersuper sad right now about an amazingly awesome missed opportunity of sorts (will probably email you about it later on this week because it's scheduled for a post...in March. haha.), but I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. :x
He is stuck right now in a very stubborn stage of not wanting to eat hardly ANYTHING we fix for him. Even healthy smoothies, juices, and frozen desserts. He eats a tiny bit and says he is full. *sigh* It’s frustrating, but we’re trying to make it better.
And yes, you are very right. Sometimes it’s the crisis moments or the worst moments of our lives that can bring us closer together. So there is always a silver lining. :) Great way to put it!
Missed opportunity?…I hope everything is well! Not sure what you meant or if you’d be writing about it still in March but just know that I’m here if you need to talk to anyone!
Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating recently posted…Favorite Wedding Planning Websites
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Darn. :[ Is it just that he has no appetite right now? I know treatments can tend to have that effect, but that’s definitely really hard.
Thank you! <3 I have a scheduled post for it in early-March, but it was a super-cool job offer that would've been all kinds of fun and awesome, but I can't really skip out on med school to take it, hahaha. :[ Hopefully an alternate-universe-me is doing it for me so I can live vicariously through her!
Thank you so much for sharing! It can be really hard when the closest people don’t seem to understand. As much as I respect what other peole think it can be saddening that they don’t feel the same. But hey everyone has different passions and interests. I love what you say about compromise! If you are meeting in the middle you are already half way there! You will get there ;)
Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness recently posted…3 Health and Fitness Finds that Sparked My Curiosity
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Agreed! I can definitely understand that certain things aren’t for everyone, and we all have different interests, but I think when it’s the people you really love and care about, you just want to share awesome things with em’, so it can definitely be a little saddening. But yay for compromise! :]
I love that you think it is important to compromise and that you are taking the steps. Family is tough and I know sometimes myself if I was raised by bears…….. Keep up the philosophy of balance, you are a smart cookie!!! Great post!
Mary Beth Jackson recently posted…So you are a runner????
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Thanks so much! <3! I have on occasion wondered why we have so little in common, but so long as there's even an inch of common ground, I'm gonna go with it! :]
Excellent take on this week’s topic. Love love the quote about loving your decisions!
jill conyers recently posted…Write a Manifesto
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Thanks, Jill! :] I’m looking forward to next week’s topic! :D
I think the key is finding something fitness related that you love. Who wants to do workout doing something you hate? It helps to be creative and think outside the box to help others find motivation! And I love what you said about balance! I think we would all be boring, super stressed people if we only focused on school or our careers!
Elizabeth @ Enjoy Every Bite recently posted…Cherishing the Small Moments of Motherhood
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Exactly! :D Especially because there are sooo many different fitness-related activities these days–why waste your time on something you don’t love? :O
Hehe, I love that you “go to yoga”! It’s hard for me to say much to non-fitness-enthusiasts. Because I’m a personal trainer, I don’t want to be “that” trainer. Also, it’s hard for people to listen to advice when they’re not ready to hear it. I may casually suggest something or ask them questions, but rarely do I tell them what to do. Loved reading this post :) thanks for sharing, especially about your family!
Jess @hellotofit recently posted…Link Love #4 and a taste of Thailand
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Ah, that’s true! Very much agreed with you on people not wanting to listen to advice if they’re not ready to hear it–I’m definitely running into that a lotttt with the patients I’m seeing!
Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy, while respecting your parents views. It sounds like you have found a way to balance that with your Mom. I know it must be hard!
Julie @ Running in a Skirt recently posted…Spinach Salad with Homemade Poppy Seed Dressing
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It can be, but I think we’ve reached a silent compromise! I don’t talk to her about what I’m doing with my free time, and it works out quite well! ;P
Great post!
This fits for spouses too–it took us 2 years to find a sport/fitness activity we both suuuuper loved, and it turned out to be something neither one of us did much–rock climbing!
Kirtley @ The Gist of Fit recently posted…7 Effective Ways to Beat that Sugar Addiction
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That’s awesome that you both found something you really loved and in so doing, tried + discovered something new! Rock climbing sounds really fun–I’d love to try it someday! (I’ve done indoor rock climbing, if that counts? :O )
balance is the key! And it’s exactly what will get you through med school strong and with the same passion you started with. It’s so important to remember that. Keep being you!
Pragati // Simple Medicine recently posted…What You Think a Naturopathic Doctor Does…
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Thank you! <3 I'll definitely try to carry that with me all throughout my life! :]
Can I just think you’re amazing for all that you have on your plate and you still have such passion and drive for fitness? It’s awesome. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got more than I can handle and will slack. I should just think about your juggling everything and getting it all done! Great post, Farrah!
Erin recently posted…Social Media and the Non-Fitness Enthusiast.
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Aww, thank you so much, Erin! <3 It definitely gets overwhelming sometimes, and I gotta admit, there are times where I'm too exhausted so I'll forgo a workout for the day, but exercise does also function as my outlet, so it's a nice balance of sorts!
This was such a great post. I am the only one in my family (other than my sister who goes on and off fitness) who is really active and no one understands it. It makes it hard for them to understand why its so important to me. I have gotten to the point where we have to agree to disagree.
Sara @ lifebetweenthemiles recently posted…A quick trip to NYC and what would you have done?
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It’s definitely hard, but sometimes, it really is better to just agree to disagree on it. My continual hope is that maybe they just haven’t found something that they really enjoy yet! :p
My best friend absolutely hates to workout, but she is a big social person. So you know what I did to get her out and working out? I got a group of friends and we all decided to walk together and just talk. Surprisingly my friend who was anti-exercise ended up walking 2 miles without really realizing it, simply because we were all laughing, talking and having fun.
As you said, finding something that the individual likes could be a big difference in changing their outlook.
Janene recently posted…The Must-Read Guide Highlighting the Best Zumba Shoes for 2015
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That’s an awesome idea on your part! :D Having awesome company definitely makes a huge, huge difference! I try to go on hikes with my friends when I’m back in town so we can explore/enjoy the outdoors + each other’s company whenever I’m back home to visit! :]!
Families don’t always understand what’s best for us, no matter how much we love them and they love us! My parents are very supportive of health and fitness generally (tends to happen with beach loving families in Australia), but I know they think I”m a bit crazy for being vegan.
jess meddows recently posted…Ethical Jobs and Lock The Gate
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Agreed! I’m glad that your parents are really supportive of health and fitness! (Hooray for beaches! <3 I miss those so much!) There are some things that we'll all just have to agree to disagree on though when it comes to family!
Oh boy I def feel you on the mom front! My mom and I have some disagreements about my lifestyle now and then simply Bc it wasn’t the way she lived her life. Sometimes I wish she’d support me more but I know it comes more from a place of not understanding more than anything. I think you’re right though, once you find out what you’re passionate about you don’t need reassurance from others! Do what makes you feel good :)
Jill recently posted…Self Care is not Selfish
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Aww, very much agreed! I think the path I chose is something that’s completely unfamiliar to her too, so she doesn’t really understand, even though she does try to. (I think she was hoping I’d be super girly/be interested in clothes/makeup and the like. :x )
Wow, this could not have been easy to write but you did an amazing job!!! GOOD FOR YOU!! You are doing amazing things! And so neat that you have learned to “compromise”!! LOVE IT!
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Thank you! :] I think learning to compromise definitely decreases the amount of potential conflict in life! :P
Yes, I can totally understand where you are coming from. Meeting in the middle is the best compromise, but also not trying to drag others away from their passions is a big one as well ;)
AJ @ NutriFitMama recently posted…Red Velvet Cake Granola Love {Gluten Free, Vegan}
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Yep, for sure! :D I’ve kinda privately decided to agree to disagree with my mom for my end of fitness, but hooray for compromise too! :]
I agree that it’s all about playing to your interests! Even in my own life, I’m much more of a fitness enthusiast when I’m doing something I love than when I’m doing a program my husband is trying to get me interested in.
Brooke @ Silver LIning recently posted…new around here!
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haha, for sure! :] It is fun though when/if you find something that you both really enjoy!
The only person in my family or my husband’s family who gets my running, fitness and nutrition is my father in law. Everyone else thinks I am insane. The one nice thing is the first person to get a call or email for advice on fitness or health is me… so that is a nice feeling (and I never say “I told you so.”) So hang in there… some of the least likely people in my life have changed their stance over the years.
Erica @ erica finds recently posted…Tried It Tuesday: Nutritional Yeast from Sari Foods #Giveaway
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Hahaha, awww… That’s awesome that you’re the first person they go to for advice on fitness + health though! (+ props to you for never saying “I told you so!” That’s probably the best way to get people to shun it. ._.). I’m glad to hear that people in your life eventually changed their stance! :D!
Thanks for sharing and very cool that you were able to meet in the middle. Parents don’t always fully understand what we are going through or even what we need in terms of support.
Bri @ Simple Delights recently posted…Convo’s With Non-Fitness Enthusiasts
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Very true, but hooray for compromise! That definitely makes it at least a little easier! :]
This is such a great post!
I’m glad my parents were always active growing up, as they do understand my craziness (however, my mom does NOT understand my blog!) towards running and exercise and even check in to see how my training and races went.
Ange @ Cowgirl Runs recently posted…#whatslovely FRIENDSHIP
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My parents definitely wouldn’t understand my blog either! I don’t let them know about it because I’m fairly certain I’d never hear the end of it (“You should be spending your time studying, not wasting your time on this!”). Noooo…haha. That’s awesome that your parents were really active + check in to see how your races + exercising are going! :]
Really, I just don’t talk about it with them. My whole family is NOT into fitness so it saddens me to a million, but I just have to share my interests elsewhere (like the blog!)
Rebecca @ Strength and Sunshine recently posted…My Yoga Is Not Your Yoga
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That is saddening, but hooray for having somewhere to share your passions! That’s probably why I talk about it a lot more on my blog too! :P
I love your blog, and you help a lot of people with your advice and recipes, so keep it up! It really is all about finding balance. I love that you still tried to connect with your mom even though she didn’t seem to understand why you love what you love. I hope as you meet her in the middle ground you talked about that she’ll try to reach out more to your interests too. :) Great post!
Melanie recently posted…The Healthy Way to Eat Chocolate
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Aww, thank you so much, Melanie! <3 I'm so glad to hear that they're helpful! :]!
I'm constantly on a mission to try to find common interests that we share so that I can actually spend quality time with her when I'm at home (whilst sneaking in something healthy, hehehe), so I'm glad there are at least two! :D
I normally don’t try to convince people to eat healthier, workout, run, yoga, lift weights etc unless they bring it up first. I don’t ever want to seem like I’m forcing fitness and I know everyone is on their own journey. With that being said, I actively talk about my journey and try to encourage people through my own example. Sometimes people just need to be on their own timeline. That’s great that you have identified things your mom enjoys (walking, dancing) and can encourage her to do those things! Good luck!!
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My thoughts as well, although with my family, I bring it up a little more because they’ll make comments sometimes on wanting to gain more muscle (my dad) or to get healthier (my mom).
I kinda liken fitness to religion–I don’t like impressing my beliefs on others, so unless they seem at least somewhat interested, I don’t really bring it up. I like going by the “lead by example” philosophy too! :]
Thanks so much for sharing, Farrah! I think you have done an amazing job at meeting in the middle! And love how you go ‘to yoga.’ lol. Now, I am even more impressed by all you do, all you learn, and all you stand for. Major props for fitting in exercise, making it working for you, and making it adaptable for someone you love! You are amazing. Keep it up! Much love. : )
Jessica Joy @The Fit Switch recently posted…How To Be A More Motivating Fitness Friend
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Thank you! <3 It's a longstanding joke at the studio, but honestly, if my parents ever ask me to demonstrate said yoga moves that I've totally been learning, I am done for! (I might actually be able to make stuff up and they wouldn't know any better, but still. :x ) Lots of love to you as well! I'm glad you're feeling better! :]
Sorry to hear your mom doesn’t understand! I’m sure it all comes from a good place, but I know that can be hard to recognize. Kudos to you for realizing how important maintaining what little balance in your life you can. There’s no point drilling yourself all the way through med school if you don’t make it out alive! Keep kickin’ butt girlie and keep easing your mom into different activities….who knows, one day she might join you in the gym again ;)
Ariana recently posted…Full Body Resistance Training Workout
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Thank you! <3 I try to remember that she's just suggesting what she honestly believes is best for me, but for serious, there is zero point to med school if I don't survive it, haha. :P I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll join me again at some point! :]
Great post. Meeting in the middle is key, and that’s definitely hard sometimes when people don’t quite understand what you’re trying to do, even when you keep their best interests at heart. Keep being true to yourself! You’re amazing! :)
Whitney @ French Fry Runner recently posted…Conversations with Fitness Non-Enthusiasts: This Is the Best Game EVER!
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Aww, thank you! :] I definitely agree with you there–I’m just going to chalk the rest up to it being a part of life! :P