Feb 12

5 Things A Healthy & Functional Relationship Needs

Welcome to #WithLoveFridays! (I’m sorry; I know it’s actually Thursday, but I don’t like double-posting in a single day! :[ Plus, you can’t really blame me for wishing it could be Friday already, right? :D?) I’m co-hosting this linkup with 4 other awesome ladies: Kristie, Lisa, Krystal & Georgina!

If you’ve got a post that has anything to do with love (family, friends, significant others, spouses, pets, fandoms…), feel free to come link up with us on Fridays for the rest of this month!

5 Things A Healthy & Functional Relationship Needs

With 3 relationships and 2 would-be relationships in my past, and only one out of those that I could have seen a future with, I’m hardly the go-to expert on relationships. (Far from it.)

But! Who said I needed to be an expert anyway?!

5 Things A Healthy & Functional Relationship Needs
My first relationship taught me everything I absolutely did not want in a relationship (harsh words, but complete truth–I’m really good at picking up red flags because of it), and the second showed me everything I wanted, minus one.

One of my friends recently came across some difficult times in the relationship world, and upon hearing how the guy was treating her, I was completely appalled. These are the 5 things I’ve realized, whether through experience or by observation, that a healthy & functional relationship needs. (Also known as a summary of what I told her!)

  • Trust/Honesty. Communication. Chemistry. Love/Commitment. Common Values/Beliefs.

Those are the five components that I think are absolutely vital for a healthy, functional relationship. I realize this alone is already more than five, but just work with me here!

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Don’t ever let someone make you feel less than you are. I pay a lot of attention to how someone treats me (and other living things, yes, animals included), especially in the beginning. If he’s already being a dick to you in the beginning, things will not go up from there. Kick em’ to the curb.

Do they make you happy? Do you enjoy their company? Do they make you feel like the luckiest person in the world? Is the reverse true too? (If so, I think you’ve both found keepers! :)

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  • Don’t be with someone just because you don’t want to be alone. You don’t “grow to like someone.”

I’ve long been an advocate of not being with anyone if the things listed in #1 (but really, all of these) weren’t met. That was the subject for one of my practice SAT essays and I scored the highest in the class on it; it was triggered by my mom telling me that I should find someone who loved me more than I loved him/that it didn’t even matter if I loved him. (I completely refute that idea.)

The second part of this might be disputed by others, but in my experience, it has never ended well. The people I find an instant connection with are the ones I feel chemistry with.

  • Don’t ever expect someone to change for you.

I learned this one the hard-ish way (aka when I was young and stupid), when I thought that if someone cared enough about me, they’d quit smoking, do something with their life…the works. Yeah, it really doesn’t work that way. However, I do believe that the two of you should learn and grow together.

  • If it isn’t a symbiotic relationship and someone’s being a parasite, cut em’ loose.

This may sound a little extreme, but I apply this philosophy to pretty much everyone in my life. (My hope, of course, is that I help/contribute in some sort of positive way to my family/friends/people in my life too.)But back to the relationship side of things…to me, it’s not about looking for someone to “complete” me. I think I’m pretty darn complete as I am (work in progress and everything).

What I’d like would be for him to be my best friend and someone I’m just completely comfortable with that I’m ridiculously happy doing anything with. (If I enjoy cleaning bathroom floors with you just because I enjoy your company that much, I think it’s a pretty done deal.)

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Since this week’s Friday Five topic happens to be All About Love, I’m linking up [early] with Courtney at Eat, Pray Run DC, Cynthia at You Signed Up for What and Mar at Mar on the Run!

5 Things A Healthy & Functional #Relationship Needs! #love #withlovefridays #fridayfive #dating

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  • What do you think is essential for a healthy, functional relationship?
  • What have you learned from past relationships (or a current one)?
  • What qualities do you think are the most important?
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44 comments

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  1. You really hit the nail on the head with these points, Farrah. For me? The NUMERO UNO thing that has to be present in a healthy and lasting relationship? Respect for each other. Absolute and utmost respect. Which includes the honesty, trust, reliability, able to communicate, etc. Everything you said!
    Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating recently posted…Favorite Wedding Planning WebsitesMy Profile

    1. Definitely agreed with you there! If there’s no respect in the relationship, I can’t see that ever going anywhere (or not anywhere good, anyway >_> ).

  2. These are all so true I love the standards one =) thanks for sharing
    Christine Gallagher recently posted…DIY Minecraft Creeper shirtMy Profile

    1. hehehe, it’s a good one for weeding out the toxic people in life! :]

  3. WOW Farrah! Such a well written post! I agree with you on all five of these points. For me, I think an essential for a healthy relationship is first being able to define yourself as a person and be happy with you and only you before you bring another person into the mix.
    Krystal recently posted…My Favorite Fitness AppsMy Profile

    1. Thank you! I 100% agree with you on that one! (Honestly, that probably should’ve been the #1 on my list! :O Can’t really have an awesome, healthy, happy relationship with someone if you’re not happy with yourself!)

  4. Good Points. Communication in a relationship is huge! One thing I have noticed after being married for 12 years is that when you find that special someone it doesn’t all magically fall into place, any relationship will always require hard work (from both of you) to keep the relationship strong.
    Pamela recently posted…DIY Bath Salts and Sugar ScrubMy Profile

    1. Thanks! :] I definitely agree with you on the communication, because that tended to be the downfall for my past relationships (or at least, for the one that I really wanted to work out). I think figuring out the balance between whether or not to keep on trying might be my issue–something I gotta work on for sure!

  5. yes! I love this and I think this can be applied to all relationships, not just romantic ones. If you don’t have trust and honesty even in friendships you will have issues. Likewise if you don’t respect each other’s lifestyle or passions..even if you don’t agree you need to be supportive of what that person enjoys doing. My boyfriend is totally supportive of my fitness and my Harry Potter addiction…and he doesn’t like Harry Potter! I also like your ideas on finding someone to be with…when you’re more secure in yourself than you’re able to find someone who is a complement to you. You should never settle or be with someone just because.
    Montana recently posted…Experiences with Non-Fitness EnthusiastsMy Profile

    1. Your post on that friend (/friends) really made me sad, so I definitely agree with you there! I think being supportive and encouraging even when you might not necessarily agree/have the same interests can be a sign that someone truly cares about you (in a friendship, relationship, or otherwise!), because it shows that they care about your happiness! :]

  6. These are all so important. I remember learning all of these lessons the hard way. Really… THE HARD WAY! I am so happy now to be happily married. My biggest relationship advice is trust and respect. You always need to guard trust and respect like an un-boiled egg!
    Julie @ Running in a Skirt recently posted…Vegetarian Oven FajitasMy Profile

    1. Aww, I’m sorry about the hard life lessons, butttt at least you learned something from them and you’re happily married now! <3 I love the unboiled egg reference! :P

  7. I would add that you need to have the same goals in life in you’re looking to settle down with someone.
    Emilie recently posted…Smart Shopping Saves You MoneyMy Profile

    1. Definitely an important one! I threw that in my “having standards” post, hehehe. :D

  8. SO so so true.
    But you forgot to add that if they don’t like chocolate, they can’t be trusted.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Quarter Blog Life Crisis Re: Blogging Industry (Thinking Out Loud)My Profile

    1. Hehehe, I figured that was covered on my “have standards” post. ;P Definitely a good call though! I can’t be with someone who doesn’t appreciate food. :]

    • Ricardo on February 12, 2015 at 10:31 am
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    I think that communication is probably key. Voicing needs/wants along with being on the same page stems from just talking with one another to learn if everything would work out from the get go.

    Whether it’s something that will lead to marriage or someone to just past the time with, if both parties communicate early on then most issues can be avoided.

    1. Yep! Communication and voicing wants/needs instead of trying to make the other person read your mind is definitely a good one! :P I’ve seen a couple of those and they were mild train wrecks from the very beginning. x_x

    • Jen on February 12, 2015 at 12:15 pm
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    This post is spot on! So wise :) And I’m with ya on wishing it was Friday already. Happy Thursday!
    Jen recently posted…PresentMy Profile

    1. Aww, thank you! :D Happy Thursday to you as well! We’re alllllmost there! <3

  11. I definitely think this is so true! I think communication, affection, respect, and listening are all so important to a relationship. Simple concepts, can be difficult to enact them.
    Tianna recently posted…The 10 Most Unique Green Beauty Products You’ll Ever TryMy Profile

    1. Very true! So many things are more easily said than done, but as long as the effort is there on both sides, I think it can be done! :]!

  12. All great things to think about! Relationships always need work so it’s important to stop and reflect on how you can strengthen these values with your significant other!
    Elizabeth @ Enjoy Every Bite recently posted…Healthy Feeding Tips for Happy ToddlersMy Profile

    1. Agreed! :D I really think the relationships where it motivates each person to want to be a better person = the best ones! :]!

  13. While I don’t have a long or wide love life (sigh….sigh again), I would say that your points pretty much apply to non-romantic relationships too! I love a fun friend but also one that I can trust and one that will be honest with me ;)
    Elsie @ Sharing Healthiness recently posted…The Language of a Health & Fitness EnthusiastMy Profile

    1. Agreed! I think this works really well with regular friendships and just relationships with anyone–I figured I’d just gear it towards couples since it’s almost Valentine’s Day, but I feel ya! My love life is extremely nonexistent as well! :P

  14. These are so true. I always wonder how those couples where one is religion A and the other is B make it work.
    Cassi recently posted…Back to Beast ModeMy Profile

    1. I think that definitely requires a certain level of compromise, and also a discussion on what each party is and isn’t okay with, with respect to each of their religions.

  15. This is great advice. All of your points are spot on.

    Also, where is Friday…? ;)

    1. Thanks!

      And…we’re alllmost there!! <3 I can't wait for the weekend! *-*

  16. You did a great job covering that!! I think compromising is important. Knowing when to just let something go. I struggle this one a lot, even still. I have a problem with always wanting to be right.
    Melanie recently posted…Thinking Out Loud ThursdayMy Profile

    1. I definitely have a problem with that too–compromise is definitely extremely important, but sometimes, I feel like I don’t know where to draw the line. I’ve arbitrarily decided for now to draw the line at “when it no longer feels worth it,” and it’s kindasorta been working out? :P

  17. All good things to look for! I’ve definitely made excuses for guys in the past and it’s never worked out in my favor so I think you’re on to something! :)
    Tricia @ A Couple of Dashes recently posted…Red Hot Red Velvet CupcakesMy Profile

    1. I used to do that all the time too, until one day I stepped back to really think about it and decided that I was being completely unfair to myself. :O Giving others the benefit of the doubt is nice, but if the other party isn’t even trying, it’s definitely not worth it.

  18. Farrah, I love all of these! Trust and honesty are two big ones for me. If those are solid, everything else has potential to be good, as well :)
    Jess @hellotofit recently posted…Muay Thai in Thailand: don’t forget to breatheMy Profile

    1. Agreed! :D For a lot of these qualities, if a couple are there, the rest should naturally fall into place! :P

  19. I think these are great tips that you’ve addressed they’re the basic foundations of a relationship.

    1. Yes indeed! :]

  20. I’m so glad you included the last one. A lot of people have this naive idea that if you love someone you need to stick by them through anything (and I don’t mean when you’re married, I mean when you’re young and dating!), but it totally ignores the fact that the person can be a complete leech and just suck you dry of everything you’ve got, emotionally and financially.
    jess meddows recently posted…Metropole Guesthouse KatoombaMy Profile

    1. Exactly! D: Ain’t nobody got time for that in life! I can’t stand seeing friends in relationships like that. :[[

  21. These are great! I have my fair share of unhealthy relationships before meeting my husband. One thing that I really learned is that your relationship doesn’t have to be complicated or full of drama to be a exciting. Dating my husband was so easy, never any drama, and that’s one of the many reasons I knew he was the one.

    1. So, so very much agreed! I hate drama and avoid it like the plague, so I tend to detox those people out of my life. :P Definitely not a necessary factor for an awesome relationship!

  22. GREAT post! I really agree with all of them. For me making sure you are not getting into something expecting people to change, is so important. Because they never do. I’ve seen a lot of friends marriages ruined by this!
    Kristy @Runaway Bridal Planner recently posted…How to Add Mileage and Become a Distance RunnerMy Profile

    1. Agreed! I really don’t believe that anyone ever honestly changes FOR someone else, but exceptions apply if they do inherently want to make a change (hopefully for the better)!

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